Careless
by Vito'06nathanael
Summary: This year, Antonio had priorities: grades, girlfriend and the Football competition, securing college with his two best friends! But that was before the Vargas moved in with all their drama including kidnapping, threats, and football talents. If anyone asks Lovino, not getting killed would be a clear ecstatic success. He is just what Antonio needed, or not. SoccerAU! HighSchoolAU!
1. First Impressions

Antonio ran to the entrance of the large apartment jumping down the stairs two by two. He passed next to Julia.

"Good morning beautiful!" he shouted petting the tomato plant.

She needed water, he thought sitting on the last stair putting a shoe on.

He was so damn late. His stupid phone, out of battery, had not rang to wake him up. He ran to the kitchen, no time for breakfast, he saw his jacket hanging. No need for it, he looked out of the window to the clear sky, tripping on his bag. He needed that though. He threw his new school bag on his shoulder, grabbing the keys on the counters. Realising he did not have any money for the bus, he grabbed the letter full of cash his father left. No time to pick out how much he actually needed, he'll deal with it later.

Dios mio, Antonio hated morning at least as much as blind referees on a football pitch.

He walked out the door at forty, passing right next to Julia again. She looked at him, and Antonio hesitated a second. Guilt was spreading.

Fuck it.

He needed to leave now, but Julia was going to be thirsty all day. And, thinking about it all day was going to be a torture. He closed the door, stepping back into the corridor. Better to lose ten minutes than a day worth of worrying, right?

He ran back out 5min later.

He could make it.

Maybe.

* * *

"Still not here," sighted Francis twisting one shiny blond curl around his finger. "What time is it?"

Gilbert got his phone out. New season, new game, new life. Let's make it perfect! Right? that was the last message Antonio send before going to sleep. Gilbert glared at it once more. "Eight fucking fifty three, we are going to be late on first day," said Gilbert with a smirk drawing on his face. "Exactly like last year, and the year before, and the year before that, and the-"

"I think we got it, wanker. You're disorganised," growled the british student leaning on the wall of the school. "Should we go?"

"What?" said Gilbert startled and maybe a bit offended. "And arrive in time? Please, nothing interesting happens in the first hour anyway."

"Please don't frown, Arthur," chided Francis next to him. "It makes your eyebrows even more scarier."

Gilbert laughed loudly from behind.

"Okay. That's it. I'm going," Arthur said throwing his cigarette on the ground. He got of the brick wall they were leaning on, and left the duet, balancing his messenger bag around his shoulder.

"No, Arthur!" shouted Francis after him. "Come back!" he begged but Arthur only gave him a finger.

"You're never going to get him if you keep insulting him," murmured Gilbert playing on his phone, feet dangling.

"Sorry? Did I hear something, like an advise about love from someone who can't even talk to his crush?"

"Shut up?" shot back Gilbert. Later added, "At least we are not insulting each other."

"That's for sure. You guys are not even talking," smiled Francis looking in the mirror again, rearranging his hair. "Maybe this year?"

Gilbert shrugged. "Maybe…"

"Really, Cheri, you need to get over the Canary Incident."

Gilbert kept his eyes on the floor pushing a little rock around. "Yeah…" Minutes passed and Gilbert did not look up, Francis was lost texting some other girl.

"Amigos!" shouted a voice far away.

"I think he's here." Smiled Francis before being tackled into a hug.

* * *

"Late," said the teacher unimpressed. "Like every year."

Gilbert nodded enthusiastically at that. "I live for consistency."

"Theatricality," added Francis.

Antonio elbowed them. "We are really sorry."

"What do you have to say for yourself?" glared Miss Rosario.

"Football?" smiled the three of them.

Antonio never disrespected teachers, but being a bit late was harmless. Plus he did not do it on purpose.

The class room giggled, well, outside from the no-fun front row. Everybody knew they were part of the soccer team and they were always getting away with everything because of training or the golden rule that matches do not stop at end of the allowed time but at the end of an action when the referee blows the final whistle. School bell was nothing to them.

The teacher dismissed them with a wave of hand and that frown adult do when they give in to future generation on a point. 'Whatever, we don't have time for that,' kind of way, 'they won a battle but not the war.'

Antonio followed his friends to the back of the classroom, Francis jumping on the chair behind Arthur. But there was no more empty chairs around them. One of the problem to be late, and Antonio would know about it. At least he watered Julie. He smiled at himself bumping into something.

"Fuck! Watch where you're going Bastard!" shouted someone, grabbing his bag previously stepped on.

Antonio looked down at him. He was new.

He was definitely new or Antonio would have definitely noticed him before. He had such a cute pointy nose, and large honey eyes, if only his hair did not hide them so much. Though, his hair seemed so soft-

"Mr Carriedo?" called the teacher breaking the daydream. "Can you please find a sit?"

Unable to answer he just sat down on the nearest chair, just behind the boy. Another problem for being late was missing out on the names of all the new hot students.

When he turned around to glanced at Gilbert and Francis, he was going to gesture the new student but they were already on it. Francis was transfixed while Gilbert was simply glaring. Antonio looked around him seeing for the first time that havoc had spread around the classroom, as the teacher started mapping out the course on the blackboard.

"He was at the game last Tuesday," whispered furiously Gilbert. "He plays left wing attacker… Best dribbler on the pitch, the little shit," continued Gilbert. "Don't you remember? What the fuck is he doing here?"

"Last week? I was grounded," Antonio remembered as well as the broken door he punched through. Antonio shrugged, grounded from the weekly football game on the Church owned pitch, never was a big issue.

"Maybe he played at another school in the area. Maybe he's here to spy on us…" said Arthur loudly enough to be heard by at least half the classroom. "There is another one too…"

Looking at the other side of the classroom, the Scottish student, Arthur's cousin, had pass his arm above another new student. Jack was hoovering above him with a smirk. The one next to him looked exactly like the one in front of Antonio. For a moment Antonio thought he saw double. Though his hair might have been clearer. Nothing for sure, he was also close to the window.

"And his brother…" whispered the albino with maybe less hatred. "He played too… he's okay."

His brother was smiling and laughing at Jack like they were the new best friends. It did not seem to calm the cute one in front of Antonio. The boy in front started stirring, tapping his foot on the floor. Antonio could have swear seeing smoke coming off the student. He was glaring at Jack.

The teacher finally started on the lesson. Antonio smiled at her and nodded along thinking about how he has to talk to them, how exciting would it be to add them to the team. Did they plan to take part on the football team?

Soon enough the class ended, before Antonio could not do anything, the boy stood up and strolled down the aisle. He started cursing loudly in Italian, and enough in english to make it clear that Jack'd better "keep his dirty hands away from my brother or he will regret it." The whole classroom was staring and the teacher rolled her eyes as his brother pushed him out the room apologising. Miss Rosario glanced at Antonio, clearly asking the acting captain of the team to take care of it.

"Well," sighted Francis, playing with his hair. "What a good start."

"We'll talk to them later," Antonio grinned, he was not leaving the school's premise today without getting at least the cute ones's name.


	2. Tomatoes 1

"Have you seen what they've done!" shouted Gilbert, throwing a piece of paper on the table.

Everybody leaned in. Down the page two names were added in hurry, Ludwig frowned trying to read the small letters smashed together.

"The new kids signed up for the team!" scoffed Gilbert. "Unbelievable."

"It's okay," said Ludwig, going back to cutting into his boiled potato. "They will replace Franky and Andrew. Coach will obviously want to hold selections."

"It's okay?" repeated furiously Arthur banging his plate on the table sitting down. "Are you bloody serious? It's a dead Queen plan. We have the championship to win! We don't have time to train them!"

"That's exactly why we need selections," said Ludwig. "We need the best team possible. We all need to win."

"Matthew is in the team already," corrected Gilbert. "We were eleven. We don't need other players. We don't need substitute players, or even selections for all that matters."

"Matthew?" asked genuinely the British student. "Never seen him."

"That's because your eyebrows are so fat, they make you fucking blind," shouted Gilbert, stabbing his potato.

"I never saw him neither, to be honest," added Li leaning in. He was ears-dropping the conversation from the table behind them.

"Oh, shut up and eat your Chinese noodle," growled Gilbert.

"It's a Ramen and I'm from Hong-Kong, you stupid german boy," answered back Li, not that offended. It has been already six years of fighting the same war with Gilbert. Nothing could really hurt, they were all bulletproof to the weapon they handled.

"What did you say?!" Shouted Gilbert ready to jump on Li. "I'm from Prussia!" he cried.

"Brother," called back Ludwig. "It's getting above the point. If they are good players, they're in. I'll talk to Roderick about it, so he can work on strategy with the new assets."

"Oh! I've not seen the princess yet," drawled Gilbert, his attention coming back at the mention of the Austrian student. "How is he?"

Ludwig just rolled his eyes silently, when a plate broke on the floor, the world's centre shifted from the cool kids table to the salad buffet of the cafeteria.

"Mr Vargas!"

* * *

5 minutes before

Antonio was running late again. He was the only one from the football team with Roderick to take music as a module. The Austrian student was the strategist of the football team or at least he was trying.

They used to be friend, before the Canary Incident and every time he talked to him, Antonio would leave with the feeling of missing out on friendship, on jokes and memories.

How can you miss memories you don't even have? Antonio frowned that was way to deep for lunch break.

He ran to the cafeteria. There was a long cue and it was not moving, probably someone chatting with Lucy, the cook.

He glanced at the usual football team table, it was so easy to find them. They used the same table for years now. Gilbert and Francis were per usual there, Ludwig glaring at Li who sat between the cool parkourt kids and the nerds. Li was a performer in all areas. Grades, football, social life…

Antonio sighted, it was good to be back, but matches and grades would come up soon. That was a lot of stress on the way. Even more now they got to perform for the championship. It was not much but for the school and the future application it meant the world to Antonio right now. He walked toward the salad buffet. Some cumber and then some tomatoes. A lot of tomatoes.

"At least they have tomatoes," grumbled a student coming closer. It was the Italian, from the lesson earlier!

"Hi!" Antonio said smiling all teeth out trying to sound cool and to make a good first impression. He wanted to talk to him since the first lesson. If he was going to be their best dribbler on advanced wing, they could at least be friend as they will have to interact continuously on the pitch. "I'm so existed to see you play! My friends said you are really good!"

"Listen, I just want tomatoes," explained the student his hand flying around, pointing the salad buffet and toward Antonio. His gestures were so adorable.

"You like tomatoes?" asked enthusiastically Antonio.

He glared at him. "Like any decent human being," hissed the teenager.

"I'm Antonio, by the way." The student just nodded not looking up, he got some tomatoes. A lot. It was a good sign. "Antonio Carriedo and you?"

"Lovino Vargas," said the student. God, was he blushing? Antonio leaned closer, how can he be so cute.

"Are you coming to the selection?! I'm sure you'll pass!" laughed Antonio. "That's so great you guys are here, because we needed better players this year! Not that's we aren't good-"

Lovino was failing to open the oil bottle.

"Like this, let me," he said putting his hand above Lovino's. He snapped, steeped back like burned. The bottle crashed to the floor.

"Leave me alone!" shouted the teenager breaking into rage. He stopped mid sentence looking around. He looked like he might faint. Antonio got closer trying to grab his elbow. Lovino walked back once more, bumping into his tray. It fell to the floor, glass and food spreading in a sound wave.

"Mr Vargas!" called the supervisor of the canteen with condescendence. "I'll get the cleaner."

Lovino was already on the floor. While swearing in italian, he tried to amass the broken glass on the tray.

"Let me help," said Antonio crunching down too.

Lovino pushed him away, with more forced Antonio believed he had. He fell to the floor bewildered.

"Don't bother lying. I know you what you want, so go the fuck away," said the Italian furious, hands shaking. "Don't make the both of us lose our time, I'll play in your fucking team!" He shouted throwing a handful of tomato at him.

Antonio did not know what to say. He could feel the tomato jus soaking his shirt. He was not hurt, a bit embarrassed maybe but the Spanish student could feel the fear in the other. He sounded furious and terrified. He was panicking.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry if-" Students came closer. Antonio could not detached his eyes from Lovino.

"What's your fucking problem?" asked Gilbert, pushing Lovino unto the floor with a kick. "Messing with our vice captain already?"

Lovino stood up and pushed back Gilbert. Ludwig grabbed Gilbert before anything else could happen.

Antonio could not move. Jack took the matter in hand, walked in and punched Lovino in the face. Thrown backward by sudden hit, the Italian stumbled back. People started cheering. Antonio got up grabbing Jack's arms but it was too late. Damage was already done.


	3. Tomatoes 2

10 minutes before:

"I hate this school," declared Lovino to his brother in Italian. "I'm used to be surrounded by idiots, but here you don't even know which one is going to fuck up." He ended up shouting at a student who was looking at them.

Feliciano glared, just a second before going back to his usual closed eyes smile, like some happy idiot.

"I mean before, it was easy," continued lowly Lovino. "You just had to look out for Frederico and Carolina-" He stopped in mid-sentence, glancing at his brother. Feliciano did not react. They didn't really talk about before yet. Surely the cafeteria on their first day was not the best setting for that kind of discussion.

Lovino did not say anything more. His brother leaned in, talking to the lady serving the main meal, Lucy, likes cat and owns three, apparently all throwing up hairballs but Lovino was going to save you from anymore details. So while Feliciano getting useless informations, Lovino faced his choices: Potatoes, cauliflower, fish or sausages.

Disgusting.

He turned around not able to confront it anymore. Fuck me, he murmured eyes laying on the passing students.

Lovino froze. The spanish guy from History class was there, looking good and around, surely for his friends. He did not even have to talk to him to know he was the playboy of the school; Muscular and his incredible green eyes. He reminded him of Frederico, too damn perfect to be useful. He was probably going for the usual football team's table, it was not hard to find. In the centre of the room, the people on it were loud and laughing. The rest of the room glancing shyly at them with hope or envy.

"What do you want?" asked the lady a spoon at hand. She must have been asking for a bit as she was clearly pissed. Or maybe she was naturally like that. Too bad, it was not Lovino's days neither.

"You really think I'm going to eat that?" growled the italian, moving his tray away. "Your cats might have threw up those hairballs on it."

Feliciano looked at him like he just turned off the television on a Juventus game. Too worried to be angry.

"Not hungry," muttered Lovino as an excuse.

"We both know, it's a lie," answered Feliciano looking at the yogurts.

"Che?"

"Nothing, Fratello," smiled Feliciano turning to his brother.

Lovino rolled his eyes at his brother's fake innocent. "It doesn't work on me, idiota."

"They have a salad buffet," said Feliciano changing subject.

Lovino's eyes sparkled.

"Go, I'll find somewhere to sit."

Lovino's demeanour changed in a blink. "It's fine, I'll come to sit with you, I don't-"

"It's okay Romano," said the younger making eyes contact, trying to be sincere. Bullshit, thought Lovino but Feli insisted. "I'm going to be fine. We're at school. Nothing can happen!"

"Bene," said Lovino darkly. "Don't talk to anyone."

"Cool," He said and shrugged leaving his grumpy brother.

Lovino glared at him, checking no one approached his brother with deviant intention, or any intention actually. He glanced at the usual football team table, Feliciano sat down few tables away from them. Not too close of the emo kids but far enough not to be noticed by the football table.

There was only a Japanese boy at the end of the table. He was safe. Japanese never did anything? Outside from Pearl Harbour, Kamikaze, Yakuza, Godzilla-

Okay… Let's stop here. They were at school. Nothing can happen.

Lovino glanced back to the salad buffet like a safe line.

"At least they have tomatoes," he murmured.

"Hi!" called out someone. Lovino looked up and meet the all-white perfect smile of the spanish guy. And Lovino stood still. He could feel his brooding dilute, like ink into water.

It must be the smile. No one smiled like that around him since- God, he was not even able to think about saying it. He was so pathetic.

Feliciano was doing so much better. Not that Lovino will ever recognise the positive effects about seeing a psychologist.

"I'm so existed to see you play!" the guy continued with this stupid smile. Lovino's heart skipped a beat from the attention, he could feel his cheeks burning left powerlessly wondering when someone would notice. "My friends said you're really good!"

Ok, frowned Lovino, so he was stalking him, talking to his friend about him. Does he even know his name?

"Listen, I just want tomatoes," said Lovino, in a way, he believed that was menacing. As hot as the Spanish guy could be, he was still between him and his tomatoes.

"You like tomatoes?" he asked with enthusiasm.

"Like any decent human being," growled Lovino. And that was suspicious, it was way to much happiness for tomatoes. Even from Lovino's point of view.

Was he bullshitting him? That would not be surprising.

"I'm Antonio, by the way," said the guy.

Lovino nodded bitterness spreading in his mouth. Was he really playing me? He wondered.

Hope was the worst. He seemed so nice. Full of fake dreams and ugly lies.

"Antonio Carriedo and you?" he repeated.

"Lovino Vargas," he answered, not able to look up at his lying face. Happy and nice people never talk to him anyway. He could smell nice wood and summer spice, Lovino glanced up at the other. Did he just got closer?

"Are you going to the selection! I'm sure you'll pass!" laughed Antonio. "That's so great, because he needed better players to win! Not that we aren't any good-"

Lovino focused on the bottle of oil trying to block his anger out. The plastic kept slipping off his hand. The idiot really believed he was good at trying to manipulate Lovino? He knew people better at getting them to play in their team than him. Everything was so repetitive.

Why can't he just make friends like Feliciano and not people just interest in his football skills to add to the team if it's not something else. Why can't he be friendly and cool?

He could not focus on the bottle. Everything was turning annoying, well, if it was a colour.

"Wait. Like this," Antonio said. "Let me do it."

He move his hand above Lovino's blocking his fingers. Lovino trying to move out and he could not. His fingers were stuck against oil bottle and Antonio's hand and skin. The spanish student pressed down hard enough to hurt.

And everything was swinging back.

Someone was holding him still. Lovino could not breath.

The bottle felt. But he still could not feel his fingers, pain was numbing them. He hold them close, trying to know what was real, but his mind did not believe it, still stuck in that memory.

It was all Antonio's fault.

"Leave me alone!" shouted Lovino, stepping back. The tray fell. Noise resonated around, eyes turned to them. Lovino felt dizzy, like there was no place to breath.

"Mr Vargas?" Someone called out, the voice could only be from an adult looking at the incident. "I'll get the cleaner."

Fuck me, thought Lovino for at least the tenth time today, and swearing colourfully at everything. This school was terrible. He just wanted to go back home.

"Let me help," said Antonio crunching down too.

Can't he just stop it?! Stay away!? And in a shot of rage Lovino pushed him to the floor. Antonio fell down bewildered. Well, Lovino had enough of liars. That's it, everyone was laughing at him on the first day, he wasn't going to eat anything, and the idiot just had to keep coming back, and making things worst.

"Don't bother lying, I know what you want. You win, now go the fuck away," said the Italian furious, hands shaking. "Don't make the both of us lose our time, I'll play in your fucking team!" he shouted throwing a handful of tomato at him.

Antonio did not say anything. He looked at the tomatoes and back to Lovino with concerned eyes. Great, now the hottest student at school thought he was crazy. Fuck it.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry if-" Antonio said before being cut of by multiple persons coming closer. Antonio shut up and stared at him, like everyone around.

Lovino could feel his cheeks redden. Everyone was staring at him. Soon it felt like suffocating. He wanted to leave. He should have never come here. He should not have come back in school, it was too soon. God, why was everything so fucking unfair? His eyes started to hurt.

Ecstatic, he was going to cry in front of everyone now.

"What's your fucking problem?" barged in an Albino, pushing Lovino unto the floor with a kick.


	4. Repercussions

"What's your fucking problem?" asked Gilbert, pushing Lovino unto the floor with a kick. "Messing with our vice captain already?"

Lovino stood up and pushed back Gilbert. Ludwig grabbed Gilbert before anything else could happen.

Antonio could not move. Jack took the matter in hand, walked in and punched Lovino in the face. Thrown backward by sudden hit, the Italian stumbled back. People started cheering. Antonio got up grabbing Jack's arms but it was too late. Damage was already done.

Ludwig shouted, "Everybody calm down!" but it did not work.

Lovino stood silent looking murderous.

"Fratello!" shouted Feliciano, walking up to his brother. Lovino did not stop glaring at Jack. "Lovino, are you okay?" repeated Feliciano.

Lovino didn't answer and turned away swearing loudly leaving the cafeteria. No one dared following but some students continued on cheering and whistling, like on a football pitch. Like it was a game.

Feliciano sighted loudly of relief, his eyes meeting Ludwig's. "Thanks," he mumbled. The German smiled back politely.

Jake finally got out of Antonio's grip and split on the floor, "Never liked Italians."

"What's going on here?" shouted the supervisor running to them, always perfectly late.

* * *

The door flew open. They all huddled into the room. Gilbert and Jack were focused on grinning to each others. First day, first convocation to the principal's office; they could not be prouder. The Italians finally walked in.

Antonio could only stare in silence.

"I bruise easily," growled the Lovino apparently wanting to cut off Jack's smugness right here and now.

Antonio's eyes could not leave the new student's face. A blue mark was spreading from his lips to his cheekbone. But his brown eyes were the worst. Yet unwounded, they seemed washed out, tired out. Antonio was not sure what they were hiding. He probably had been crying.

The principal walked in. "The trio," he growled with distaste, not wanting to say they full nickname. "Where is Mr Bonnefoy?"

No one answered, too caught up in a glare battle to worry about the principal.

"Let's suppose he had the intelligence of staying out of it for once," he answered for himself. "Jack Kirkland, not a surprise. I did not have the pleasure to him you two?" He said to the twins with a shark like smile.

"Feliciano and Lovino Vargas," answered Feliciano smiling shyly, eyes pleading. "Sorry to meet like that."

The grin on Gilbert and Jack's faces fell, when they saw the principal basically beam at the young Italian.

"Nice to meet you too."

The principal of this prestigious school walked to his own sit that look more like a throne nowadays.

"I talked with Coach Karpusi," he continued. "You're lucky it happened between his naps or he would make you run all afternoon."

Gilbert was going to open his mouth to argue his defence when he got cut off.

"I don't want to hear it," Mr Patel said sternly. "Your actions are inexcusable, even more so on the first day of school. Whatever the Coach says about training or football duties, you'll be severely punished for such careless behaviour."

Everyone looked down. "Detention," he said. "For all of you. At the cafeteria, so you can all learn to live together."

"But we are already going to work together in the team!" exclaimed Jack.

"Take that as a team building activity then." He answered off hand like a King bored of listening to the whiny peasants. "Go back to your classroom now."

* * *

Antonio sleepily woke up from two hours of Math and a never ending English lesson, and was quite contend of himself despise the terrible revelation. After every summer holidays, he hopes that maybe the English teacher would be teaching another year.

Maybe she would just leave the school? Maybe she would retire? But no, she was always here, dragging Antonio through decades of literature and torturous grammatical rules.

He stretched getting up, with his bag for the break. He barely glanced at the Italian brothers. One detention was enough for the first day, and even Gilbert agreed on that. He got out of the room meeting the rest of the trio.

"Take that as team building," mimicked Gilbert, outside the school's gate, retelling once more the story to Francis. "I'll tell him that next time we end up in his office."

"Jack should not have punch him," mumbled Antonio and Francis looked up. Antonio shrugged carelessly. He was sure that if he had not that tan from the holidays, they would have seen the blush on his cheeks.

"But he attacked you! Team sticks together!" shouted Gilbert throwing his fist into the air, ready for the next fight.

Antonio nodded albeit reluctantly, Gilbert was right but something felt so wrong about it. They walked out of the parking lot, finished with this eventful first day.

He looked at the Italian brothers. Lovino's eyes were fixed on his brother furiously protective. Feliciano had apparently made few friends. Kiku, a quiet guy, was talking with them. More surprisingly, Ludwig was walking toward them with a grave expression.

"Gil','" called out Antonio. "What is he doing?"

"Knowing my brother probably apologise for me to Tomato Vargas." Said Gilbert rolling his eyes. "That's so not awesome."

"Tomato Vargas?" repeated Antonio. Before realising, Lovino looks such like a tomato when he blushed. He grinned.

"Jack name-coded the drama during lunch break the Tomato Incident as you got thrown some tomatoes." Explained Gilbert.

"It's quite good I must say," added Francis oddly professional about it, lighting his cigarette.

"Is he actually apologising?"

Gilbert was fuming so Francis added, "Ludwig insists on getting them on the team. He is probably just apologising because we need them."

Antonio kept his eyes on Lovino. He did not even acknowledge Ludwig. Words passed by and Feliciano suddenly hugged the German brother much to Lovino's distress. They kept talking, Lovino only glaring. And Antonio realised the sum of his actions.

It was their first day and already got detentions and a bad reputation. No one should have to start like that. Antonio glanced back at his friends discussing Francis's new conquest.

I needed to apologise too, thought Antonio.

Tomorrow, he promised.

They got unto the bus. Gilbert left first as usual, his house was the first on the path. Francis stopped texting on his phone and stared at Antonio.

"What?" Antonio asked.

"I should be the one asking that mon ami," answered Francis. "What's going on?"

"Nothing?" Francis stared at him like his mother always do. She is psychologist and Francis kept on getting her expression, having inherited of her perspicacity about human emotions.

"Is it the new students?" Tried Francis.

It's everything. But he did not say that.

"I don't know," Antonio said instead. I just find him interesting, but he did not say that, it was creepy. Antonio is not creepy.

"He reminds me of you," Francis said. "With all the violent reactions. When you just arrived you hated everything, yourself included."

Antonio nodded. It did make sense, even though Francis never actually talked to Lovino yet. Then Francis added: "But it's not a reason to throw yourself to his defence."

"What?"! No!-"

"We don't need another drama nor distraction," cut in Francis. "You don't need it. We have a lot to get on, grades, football-"

"I know! And I am not! I barely talked to him, or even looked at him!" Francis stared and Antonio just prefer running away with a "It'll be fine. See you tomorrow!"


	5. Home

N/A: Hi guys! This chapter is more somber than the others, and I'm still a bit unsure about the ratings of fan fiction here… So please message me if I should put the rating M. I might change it later on, as the story will evolve other themes will be mention such as depression, self-harm, dubious consent, underage drinking… It's not going to be a fun ride for some of the characters...

Also thank you so much for the reviews!

"Another detention," chided the spanish lady through the video call. Antonio looked away from the computer screen. "Cariño! I thought you were going to make an effort!"

He smiled sheepishly at her. "Football team spirit Mama. I did not have a choice."

"Just be careful, but tell me about your first day!" she urged sparkling of enthusiasm.

"It was fine," smiled Antonio, not daring to talk about the slow building of the monstrous pressure coming in. He did not want to worry her more, she was already so worried to see him alone in this big house. Even if it had always been like that. "We have new players!" he said changing subject.

"That's good," she laughed. "Remember, you can't make a mistake. You need to do the best, with the university entry right across the corner!"

"I know, don't worry…" he replied, and god he remembers the application.

"Oh! I'm not worried!" she said with a laugh. Antonio knew she was telling the truth, she was not worried. She barely even care unless it was about getting a well-known university to sign him up so she could then brag about it with her colleagues. "I know you'll be just fine."

"Sure mom," smiled Antonio, what did she know about his future? Was it the "mom" instinct telling her Antonio was going to be fine? She did not even know what he ate tonight. Anger was spreading in his hands. "When are you back?" he asked instead.

"Oh! You know," she joked, but for Antonio knew there was nothing to joke about. "We'll see, maybe next week."

Antonio barely hold back rolling his eyes. "What about dad?"

"Why should I know?" she laughed. "You have enough money for the month right?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that."

"Good, I'm seeing him tomorrow in Berlin anyway. I'll send you a text to tell you when he will be back. I need to go now, I'll bring you a little thing from Bruxelles!"

Antonio smiled, knowing she could forget about the text, and except the most expensive useless thing you can find in Belgian airports. Probably chocolate. Cool, right? Chocolate is lovely. Everybody loves chocolate. Antonio smiled.

"Ok! Love you!"

She smiled cutting the video. Antonio sighted like getting an unknown pressure off his shoulders. It should not be so difficult to talk to his mother.

* * *

"A detention!" shouted Nonno. "On the first day?"

The two brothers looked down.

"You should be shamed!" he roared the entire house trembling. Feliciano stepped back. "How dare you to cause problem after what we've been through? Haven't you grow up?"

"It's my fault." Said Lovino not looking up. "Feliciano has nothing to do with it."

"Obviously, Feliciano could not hurt a fly," he sneered. He glared stepping toward him. "What do you have something to say for bringing you brother down in that mess?"

Lovino shrugged, mouth turning dry. He was not used to such open anger at home. Nonno was not going to hit them, Lovino tried to convince himself. Even though he had nothing to support that statement, it is not like they knew the man, it's not like he is calm of nature.

But it could not be happening. It was just "post-trauma stress", just casual hyper vigilance, just a constant sensation that everything is suddenly going to go terribly wrong, the need to be ready to run at any point. Just his mind playing childish tricks with every day motions, a fork falling on a plate, a door smashing close or even someone shouting over the phone. Everyday things that should not be threatening but somehow was.

Lovino used to believe that their father, who was surely not the calmest man alive but that, behind all that anger, he was fundamentally nice. He never went there. And even after it all, Lovino has never been wrong about his father. He never hurt them with his own hands. Even though the many times Lovino doubt it, even though the many chances he got at it, he never touched them.

So was his grandfather going to start? Would he really hit them out of anger? How should they know? They met him, barely few months ago.

"Nothing to say, Lovino? Your mother would be shamed of such behaviour." Said Nonno with such terrible certitude than even Feliciano felt the burn on his heart. "She did not die for you to act like an ungrateful idiot!"

Feliciano glanced at his brother, but Lovino was glaring right back at Nonno not hiding his anger.

"She is not dead!" he shouted, with the dangerous innocence of hope. The temptation of the Devil because all knew there was only a slim chance it was the case. This hope was not something to shout across the room, they all hold it deep into their heart. But Nonno was not going to listen to it, it was too painful, the hope to see his daughter again, was too painful.

"How dare you-" he growled stepping closer, one of his arm dangerously high up and bend. Maybe it was only Lovino's imagination. Hyper-vigilance, right? Just an aftermath error, a trick kicking in the adrenaline straight into his muscles.

"We're sorry," murmured Feliciano moving closer to his twin.

Nonno hesitated, looking, searching for words. He finally stepped back.

"Just go to bed." He ordered, tired. He was giving up like he did all along this summer, powerless and useless. His daughter died and now his grandsons were as uncooperative as possible.

For once, they both obeyed. Lovino smashed the door close. He sat down, breathing in and out at an irrational pace, hands shaking. Fear ran into his veins from his arms to his heart and head. He needed to move, he needed to run away, something was going to eat him alive. He got up, put his running shoes on.

"Lovi?" asked Feliciano straight up on his bed, he was crying.

"I'm going downstairs for a run."

There was no place in argument, and Feliciano knew it. No one could reason with Lovino in this state, with tear burning up his eyes, anger running in his blood. He left the apartment for the gym few floors down, not seeing Nonno nursing a glass of whiskey in the living-room, crying as well as them.


	6. Fire

Lovino woke up with a jump, again. As he laid slowly back down in the bed few elements triggered a frown. There was no shutters on the window, the dusty morning light was assaulting my eyes. However, it was already dark, cloudy and cold outside. So obviously he was not in Milan anymore. It was also smelling something close to burn metal and tar. And he knew it was bad sign, because no one was shouting. Lovino lazily got up, his skin damp from the cold sweat of the last nightmare, which he had no memory from amazingly. He hates it. He hates it so much, woking up like that, his skin sticking to the sheets and t-shirt. Not the best way to start off the day.

The empty, salty feeling of waking up with no rest was frustrating. It was another volatile useless night bringing him back to square one. His mind could not rest but his body was already asking for another round. When was his mind going to take a break? Does he need to die for that? With the average life spam, he could last quite a long time.

Lovino grumbled passing his hands on his temples and hair as a fucking headache appeared. The burning smell was getting stronger, Lovino had to react soon if he wanted to survive. If.

He stretched, feeling one by one his muscles and tendons tense and ache like a slow burn spreading in his bones. He was not going to ran again so soon.

"Madonna!" Ah, someone finally noticed the smell. "Lovino! I'm burning Nonno's house! Romano!"

His head throbbed. Lovino got up and muttered a silent apology, for not taking care of it before hand to whoever maps out Karma. "I'm coming Feli!"

After throwing a wet towel on the top of the toaster and unplugging it, Lovino went on with that beautiful day by fill a cup of coffee and a glass of aspirin.

"Panicking does not help." He chided to his brother who ignore him rightly so. They both learnt it the bitterest way possible, there was nothing they could do to stop awful thing from happening.

Feliciano was still crying over the phone to the firefighter he had called. The fire-fighter or telephone operator was apparently enjoying his company, amused perhaps of his poor attempt at making toasts. How can he make friend with fucking everyone?

Lovino gulped down my aspirin, it had a disconcerting familiar lemony taste. Feliciano was still on the phone talking about… curtains, it seems. The fuck?

Anyway, Lovino glared at the annoying TV, half relieved not to have to talk to his brother, half bitter that Feli was ignoring him for a unknown firefighter that did not even saved him. Mom used to ramble so much too, over the phone, over a coffee, after school.

The thought of it hurts more than he hoped for. He clutched his hand around the cup of coffee, not wanting this feeling to take over now. Maybe later. Or never. Never was good.

He needed to move again.

Lovino glanced around the room, falling on the door. There was a little stock of letters. He got up, amassing them into a small pile. It felt quite the adult move, with the cup of coffee and the feeling to have save Feliciano again from hazardous situation. They were not doing that bad, when you think about it.

Lovino rapidly went through them. Advertisement, bank statement, advertisement, another one. The last one did not have a stamp or address. He turned it around in his hand. There was a name, Romulus Vargas. The writing was sober, composed of constituted sticks, quite a hard writing, quite familiar too. It was in blue oriental ink, how could a simple colour seem so menacing, the past coming back knocking.

Yep, Lovino definitely needed to stop watching those American crime series. He touched the envelop, pressing his fingers against the thin paper. He probably should leave it alone, it is not really their house after all. It was only made of paper, nothing hard, two maybe three layers. He hold it against the morning light washing into the room by the large windows of the 6th floor apartment.

There was a darker layer. Would it be a photo?

He took it back in hands folding it. It was hard, it was highly possible for it to be a photo.

Lovino's mouth turned dry, he could still hear Feliciano rambling happily over the phone but it seems much father away now.

But, no. He was not imagine anything. It was not from anyone he could possibly know. No one knew they were here. No one cared about them. They were safe. It was private correspondence for his grandfather. Surely an old friend. Or a girlfriend of his grandsons age he was hiding somewhere. How disgusting.

It was nothing important.

Lovino looked up trying to anchor himself on something. Feliciano was pacing, giggling at the phone. Time was flying on the white wall but the clock's hands were still. 7h20. Seven twenty.

7:20, Dad would have been hovering by the door, keys in hands with his open fray shirts and black ops sunglasses. Mom said he looked like some American spy with it. As for her, she would surely be shouting some "you'll thank me" orders as she used to call them; Do you take your lunchbox? Did you brush your teeth? Where is your jacket?

7:20, time to get moving. He let the letters on the kitchen table, went to shower and change to a simple grey jean and black t-shirt. They said to keep a low profile. Who needs colours, anyway? He could hear Feliciano from here complain about the lack of fashion in this family.

Finally ready, he was waiting for Feli at the door.

8:00, they were going to be just in time.

"Lovino, I can't find my bag!" He shouted.

Well, now they were going to be late.

When they finally got to that normal classroom in middle of bloody nowhere. Bitter taste got into his mouth. It was like a twitch in his hand. He did not want to be here. Everywhere he looked reminds him why, he was in this so lost place. He sat down, still at one of desk. Lovino just wanted to run but instead his blue pencil levitated few minutes above the line. Pregnant teacher got replace by that over enthusiastic young teacher. Pregnant that is what the trio started as a gossip. It was hard to miss them, they were in every conversations and Feliciano was already up to date with all of it, he had some special skill when it came to gossip, like he was a magnet to the popular crowd. Maybe it was the way he acts, talks or smiles. Whatever it was, Lovino sure did not have it.

Anyhow, the new teacher made them a "get-to-know" questionnaire that she will either throw away or pull up on the wall of her bedroom. It was either useless or creepy, moreover it had been a challenge from the start:

Name: Lie?

Birthday: Lie but with numbers

Parents job: Definitely big lies here

What do you want to do after you graduate: ...

He frowned at this one, trying hard to see if there was any trap, any right answer possible because there was obviously wrong ones. But the only one making its way into his head was: don't get caught, don't die.

They gave them all the right answer back at the police station. The new name, his new birthday date but not the answer for this one. Bastards. It is always the same old song with them, they never have answers for the important things, the ones that matters.

Not dying is a fair goal right? It is a quite essential to any other things he could do. But there must be a catch. There was like five lines or so under the question, for only two words? That looks suspicious, the kind of suspicious that gets you two hours free of charges in the counselling office.

It is not worth it, if he was going to make the trip to that office he might as well write something more dramatic, "I don't know, because I kinda wish I was dead." The teacher would probably laugh and send him to detention for making hurtful jokes.

But staying alive, not getting caught, never stop running, finding his mother, finding his father, leaving this place and never coming back, getting some sleep, real sleep, trying to just keep breathing, nope, it was a no-go. A letter of last wishes, because, really, who would plans to stay alive? Right? People should plan for okay stuff, for exciting stuff. Talking about killing yourself was a jock but planning not to die was way too suspicious. Great.

Should he go for a comical effect? "I have no idea. We are seventeen for fuck's sake."

Swearing would send him to another kind of office. And 2hours of detention. Probably.

So yeah, Lovino did not wrote anything. Sorry, he was not.

Now he could not wait for the actual lesson to start.

And as soon as it started he could not wait for it finish. Have you ever tried to follow science with a migraine? No? Well it sucks. Even more when some stupid albinos would not stop interrupting the soft flow of the teacher. The bell could not have rang sooner.

Not running away for now, Lovino thought glancing at Feli who was talking to that Japanese guy. Lovino was still bitter about the football team punching him, but he was not going to go after them, he could not care less now. Feliciano needed to settle back down. Whatever Feliciano wants right? It was it. Caring was clearly overrated and overused, why should Lovino care about someone who doesn't know him? Why should he care about players wanting to trick him into the team? He was good at football after all. Feliciano wanted to play anyway.

Lovino looked up at the blackboard continuing on him line of thought. Why should he care if he fails? It's only school. Mother had left them. Outside from Feliciano's happiness, there was not a lot to care for.

He looked down at the yellow paper. Maths, numbers. He used to be great at it. He used to be great point. Frankly don't you wonder why you keep trying so hard sometimes? It's so easy to care a little bit less. That was this year motto; Careless.

It was it, he thought as the last students walked in. The stupid Spanish and Albino guys laughed out loud. Joking around. Idiots. Lovino glared. Care less, but take no shit.

Yeah. That was the perfect motto for this year.

N/A: Thank you so much for the reviews! People write Ancient Rome so differently, I was wondering how to go with it. Hope he won't disappoint you. Also I'm going to keep Lovino's secret a bit longer! Thanks again!


	7. Ink

Antonio walked in late for Math; his keys still in hands, the week old envelope full of dad's cash, the taste of ashes in his mouth, and his jacket half put on.

Usual morning in other words.

"You're late, Mr Carriedo," said the teacher just in case Antonio didn't notice. Maybe he had already forgotten about how he missed the bus, or how fought with the taxi driver all the way to school.

But small mercies are the best because Antonio was late for Math. He just couldn't stand two full hours of it.

Nevertheless, Antonio smiled at the teacher, closing his eyes slightly, tilting his head on the side. Gilbert always says it makes him look like an innocent idiot.

And nobody punishes an innocent idiot.

Unsurprisingly, the teacher let it go. Gil winked at him and Francis blew a kiss as Antonio walked down the aisle. They all had found someone to sit with, and Antonio tried not feel too betrayed.

He went for the back of the room, maybe like this he could take a well deserved morning nap in peace. As he walked past everyone, he could not miss the deadly glare of the new student. Lovino was already here, already annoyed and slouched on his desk.

"Watch your foot," growled the italian under his breath, as Antonio walked past. The vice-captain made a show of stepped carefully over the precious bag.

Lovino sounded this morning nothing short of grumpy. Maybe it was his usual personality? Started to think Antonio. Not angry, just plainly disappointed with everything but right now, mostly with Antonio's foot.

Antonio smiled back with some pity as he noticed the bruise. It was just worst today and his dark sweater made his skin even paler. A ink blue stain ran from the impact point to his eye, drawing a circle around it like water colour. The skin had sullen adding purple to the painting.

"How are you?" tried Antonio feeling guilty and therefore dutifully engaged into some small talk.

Lovino barely lifted his eyes from the papers spread on his desk, so Antonio could receive a deadly glare by proxy.

"Carriedo! You'll socialise later!" Shouted the teacher from behind. "Sit down now, or you'll stand for two hours. After seeing your grade from last year, I believe you need to pay attention now."

Antonio absently nodded.

He sat down a bit further way at the first empty chair, throwing his bag down. It happened to be next to Feliciano. The young italian smiled shyly.

"Hellooo!" he whispered, eyes shining. "You too are hiding from the maths teacher?"

Antonio started getting his stuff out. "Yep."

"I talked with Ludwig yesterday. He said you guys were sorry!" Feliciano murmured excited as he paused a second from doodling on his manual. "I think he is right. Let's all forget about it and be friends!"

Antonio's eyes opened wide. Feliciano seemed serious, and was now offering a peaceful hand shake, so the vice-captain didn't hesitate and grabbed his hand.

"Of course!"

Feliciano giggled and Antonio had barely had time to register the glare from Lovino, before the teacher called them out again.

Ten minutes in and Antonio's eyes already started to wander around the classroom. Even if the teacher was incredibly soporific, writing more letters than numbers on the backboard which let Antonio guess about being in Maths classes at all, it was nevertheless impossible to nap next to Feliciano…

The Italian was currently doodling bunnies and stars all over the pages, mid-way through rambling about how he ended up here: "I just hate math so much, you know… I can't believe fratello talked me into taking it… It's like people had too much time on their hands and decided making impossible calculations were fun… it's torture… Brain torture… I just really want food now. Pasta…"

Instead Antonio's eyes fell on Lovino just few row in front, easy to found with his hair were going side to side testifying of the lack of hairbrush. One was particularly standing out, like an antenna. It was quite impressive.

Antonio looked back to the one next to him.

Feliciano had the exact same problem, maybe it was a family thing? Maybe they did not own hairbrush? Who does not have hairbrush? Who let their children out without having their hair brushed or at least straightened a bit? They did not even seem to have a proper haircut. Even with Papa and Mama being away, they always got home to take care of those things or at least orders Antonio to get an haircut.

"Antonio? Why aren't you writing?" shouted the teacher a menacing book pointing at him. It looks like he had been asking for a while as all the students stared at him whispering. Even Lovino glanced at the back of the room.

Apparently seeing something close to a stare of complete incomprehension, the teacher sighted, "Pay attention, young man. We're on page 25."

Antonio nodded looking back at his book. But who cares about trigonometry? He looked at Lovino again. The Italian was left handed, the right hand hidden against the croak of his neck. Antonio's eyes ran over his neck, he was bony, and that was an understatement. They did not play rugby, surely, but football requires a bit of strength. Feliciano wasn't tough neither.

"Vargas, maybe?" asked the teacher turning away from the board. The both of them looked up, the teacher added; "The one with the goth t-shirt and got beaten up."

Lovino raised an eyebrow looking down at his t-shirt. Feliciano was dressed in pink and yellow jeans, so unless the teacher was not only slightly insulting but also completely ignorant in fashion, he was talking about Lovino.

"I have no idea," he announced, clearly not interest in answering at all. And once again, neither ashamed nor sorry.

The teacher glared. But the young italian seemed unmoved. Instead of shouting, the teacher turned the question to the Swiss exchange student, official saviour of Economy and Math's teachers.

It took moment before Antonio realised Lovino wasn't angry. His hands were the first thing to shatter his pissed dictator facade. If you looked closely his whole demeanour seemed off, constantly on edge and defensive like a trap animal. His hands were hidden under the desk, pulling on his sleeves, impossible to stop moving. His eyes were throwing daggers made of sharp glass but they were casted on the side every time they were not focus on the next danger. He was lost in his own world but this was nothing close of daydreaming; he was swimming into a nightmare.

How could you be so scared in your own mind?

Lovino stopped ravaging his sleeves and pushed a strain of hair behind his ear.

"Antonio!" shouted the teacher. "Change place! Sit at the front maybe it will help concentrate the two neurones of yours!"

Antonio grumbled at first but took his things to front row in diligent silence. It was too early to throw a tantrum. He was planning to sit right behind Francis, who arrived early for a certain English student but the teacher saw it coming and send him next to someone else. Antonio did not recognised him. The blond smiled at him, acknowledging him with a short nod. So obvious, Antonio smiled back to the unknown boy.

"Are you new?" he whispered.

"It's Matthew," growled Gilbert. He had materialised behind them and tuned in to the conversation. "He has been in the team for like 3years!"

Antonio frowned looking back at the blond. Gil said it with such confidence, Antonio could only mumbled a "Sure…"

"Have you seen Tomato Vargas?" giggled Gilbert glancing behind him. "We should rename him Plum Vargas."

Antonio turned around again. Lovino was on the other side of the class room now, light was crashing on him from the window. The bruise looked even worst from here. Gilbert found it hilarious, though all Antonio could feel was frustration boiling and confusion steaming.

It happened before, fighting with someone and making fun of them, it never went too far. But now, Antonio was not feeling it. Someone he barely knew was making him doubt his friends and his attitude. It was not because of reason or logic, Antonio could feel it like a bitter taste in his mouth, a twist in his stomach. He needed to do something about it. Maybe it's their own fault that his mood is awful today.

Antonio had to apologise. He had to do it today. They need a cohesive team, they need each-others.

"Antonio Carriedo!" The teacher shouted again. "Go to the Principal's office!"


	8. Tryouts

The day ran by and it was already late afternoon before I knew it and Football tryouts.

"So, I'll evaluate you in two parts," Ludwig said taking over the coach job like nothing was easier. "Today it will be physical aptitude, just to get back to it after the holidays, as I know none of you moved from their sofas. Tomorrow gameplay."

"Liar! You know we played all summer!" shouted Gilbert from the bench.

"So we are not playing bloody football today?" someone complained.

"Firstly, 20 minutes of running," Ludwig continued stretching a bit, unmoved like made of marble. Gilbert rolled his eyes, he was just showing of his muscles. "As usual, no complaining or it'll be an hour. Don't test me."

Everyone sighted more or less loudly. Namely the Russian captain who growled and Gilbert who openly whined: "Totally not awesome, Bruder."

Lovino arrived as it seems like a thirty kilo tomato bag dragged by his brother. He glared at Greek coach, Heracles. He was sleeping face against a bench again. Teachers party way more than student apparently, we'll have to fix that.

The italian brothers started whispering to each others. No one must have told them that our coach was such a lame. Even Roderick was more involved and he did not even show up at training. I'm not even sure how Ludwig happened to take over the job. He always had a way to get attention and order people, it came around naturally. He calls it "German Organisation."

Lovino stood in the back, not caring to talk to any of us. Quite understandable really, I was even surprised to see him at training. I would have give up on the team. Warmth ran through my body, hope or luck. My mission was still on. Apologise, but God he was good at disappearing without trace. He probably skipped lunch, which is bad. I'll have to talk to him. I hoped to corner him at tomorrow's detention.

"Hey Tomato Vargas!" shouted Gilbert running up to them. "Do you really think you can play with us?"

It almost sounded like a threat. Ludwig shouted something as I grabbed my friend's elbow. "Stop it."

Gilbert turned to me, surprised, "What's wrong with you?"

"You said he was good!" I whispered eyes trailing to the Italian. Lovino seemed as surprised as Gilbert for a second before rolling his eyes and walking away. "We have to be at least in the top 5 team this year. We might need him."

"We are just joking!" said Gilbert getting his elbow free. "It never hurt anyone! What happen during the holidays? Did you lose all your fun?"

"What? It's not what's about!" I shouted closing my hand on his arm. I could see he was in pain, But I could not stop. He needed to understand.

"Let me go!" he shouted back. "Find yourself a girlfriend for God's sake! Stop being so boring." Gilbert pushed me and escaped, going toward Jack. My hand felt empty and my head span. It felt awfully like a fight, and it was terrible. I did not use force anymore but just now… The crashing realisation sunk in. We never fight. I stood on the pitch, frowning. Francis was watching me carefully.

"What's going on?" He asked.

I struggled under Francis stare, "He is just being an idiot."

Francis nodded simply but you could see he was thinking some more. "You are not…" he searched for his words. It was quite rare for him to hesitate on vocabulary. I knew what he implying but I did not help.

He said it out loud again. "Obsessing?"

"It's not that!" I growled anger closing my fists. Exasperate at his assumption, my mind pushing even the eventuality of it starting again. I did not lie. "It's just, I don't like it. How we behaved with Lovino. We need him in the team."

I looked around not caring to keep up this discussion. Belle was jumping up and down, shouting encouragements. I waved at her and she almost tripped.

Francis waited for me to continue but gave up easily. "Really? It never stopped you before. You should tell Gilbert and Jake then. They are planning another fight during detention or some smash some tomatoes on his locker like we did on the Mark's."

I turned to Francis getting my full attention. "What?!"

"I know… He apparently insulted Jack in the corridor and looked down on Gil," he sighted.

Francis stepped in front of me. "Talk to them."

"Like they are going to listen," I answered without malice. After so many time that I initiated fights it would be hypocritical of me. They could be quite stubborn and that was another understatement.

"You're the vice captain. They will listen," Francis smiled to me. I looked over to Gilbert. "And obey, if you give a worthy explanation."

I turned and noticed Francis was grinding like an idiot. He knew that I did not understand it neither why it felt wrong or even why we should not have fun.

"Whatever you decide," he said. "You have until tomorrow morning to find a solution before Gil acts."

I shrugged again leaving him behind, thinking back, I did not lie. I am not obsessing about Lovino. But how the hell was I going to keep Gilbert and Jack in line.

We ran for one hour and 40 minutes, thanks to Gil. Francis and I emptied our bottles on him starting war.

—

"I can't believe it's the potato bastard that's training us," I growled in Italian to Feli. After running an unhealthy amont of time for not better reason than the potato bastard number two could not shut up, we stopped for stretching while the three idiots played with water. Children. "Can you believe it? Really how do they even get such high scores in the competition with an alcoholic coach and four years old players? Does the federation knows? I mean I would like to know who legal this is. I don't obey to potatoes eaters! They don't even know how to play!"

Feliciano was not looking at me but at the German bastard number 1 doing some stretching like he just run for an hour, instead of watching us do it.

"Feli! Are you listening?"

He turned to me, eyes leaving his body.

"Germany did great at Euro cup and world cup," said Feliciano off hand with little sparkles in his eyes. "They have good teams too, as much as you like to forget it. And they don't have to buy referees for that."

I jumped aside stung. "Saying that to your own Brother!?" I whined before coming back to him. "There is not proof Juventus did it anyway. It's just Parma loser's rumours."

"I think Ludwig is nice." He said dreamily.

"Bullshit," I growled before realising. "It's Ludwig now?"

"Well, it's his name and I was not going to call our coach, Potato Bastard, Lovi…" he pouted. "He even gave me his phone number!"

"What?!" I shouted.

"It's fine Lovino!" he said with his idiotically naive smile. "We are just texting."

"We are leaving!" I shouted grabbing his wrist.

"Don't be a Drama Queen," he sighted. "Don't you want to get in the team?"

"Oh…" I understood. "So, you're doing that to have a secured place in the team. Nicely played frattello."

"What! No?! I-" he hesitated. "I just think he is nice."

"Oh, no…" I murmured and stopped stretching to have a closer look at the matter in hand. "You are not having a crush?"

"Lovino! Come on! Me?" he giggled turning red. "No!"

"I'm going to kill him."

"Lovino! It's only our second day! I'm sure he does not even like me."

"Feli. Everybody likes you," I said glaring at the Potato bastard. "Everybody does." Feliciano giggled a bit while I hold him close petting his head. "But don't worry, I'm here."

"Romano and Feliciano Vargas?" someone shouted with an authoritative voice denouncing an adult with responsibility. I let my brother go to turn around. "Can you come to the Principal's office please?"

We walked toward the teacher after Ludwig allowed it. I was torn between staying here just to ignore Ludwig's order or go with Feliciano, because I'm never letting my brother alone outside from home.

"What's wrong?" asked Feliciano with a puppy face to the teacher assistant. I just stood behind glaring.

"Your Uncle is here with the police," she said with an uneasy smile. "They want to talk to you."

"Can't they just wait after school?" I growled looking at my watch. It was already way over 6pm. Football tryouts can last long. "I imagine Police don't like over shifts…"

—

"Good evening," said the officer getting up, he had this old butler of the Queen vibe. "Sorry to disturb your school activities."

"It's okay," I answered easily sitting down next to my brother. "It's only the selection for the year. But Feliciano was not too keen to play anyway, right Feli?"

"Romano," warned Nonno. "Drop the sarcasm."

"We need to ask you some questions about your father," started the younger officer, leaning closer.

"No… Really?" I whispered turning to my brother in brillant surprise. Nonno turned red and the two officiers blinked few times. I apologised. "Sorry, it was the last time."

"We wanted to see you in person," said the officer. "I know it's a really difficult situation for you-"

"Can we cut it short?" I asked, as my brother fidgeted in his sit. "We have football practice. What do you want? Do you have new informations?"

The younger officer glanced back before starting with regrets, "We have reason to believe that your father knows you are here."

"We are not changing school again. It has not even been three days." Feliciano panicked. "I don't want to go again!"

I looked at him. I grabbed is hand and glared at Nonno when he tried to get closer. He has never been there for them, starting now would be hypocritical at best, ego-centrical at worst.

"Why do you think he knows?" I asked.

"Nothing you should worry about."

I narrowed my eyes. "Yeah, sure. We are not worried at all now." I said suddenly realising my sarcasm. "Sorry."

"So what do we do?" asked Feli his voice trembling but he was holding back his tear this time.

"You are not changing school again," said the officer which made Feli smiled shily. "It's un useful, he always end up finding you."

I frowned at the underlying meaning. "We have not talked to him. We have not contacted him."

They both nodded staring at us. Feliciano grabbed my hand tight.

"Can we see your phone?" the officer asked and I got up. Feliciano let me go and gave then the phone. He did not look at me, and I wanted to disappear. I was feeling sick.

He started typing on it. Nonno was looking at his feet.

"This," the officer said giving the phone back. "Is the emergency number if something happens. If you see him, hear from him, if you think you saw him anything. You call us and we'll come."

I sat back down. "Are you sure you don't want to tell us, why things are changing?"

"We just think he might know where you are."

"We already knew that!" I exclaimed. The two officiers did not even deny it. Fear creeped in, fear for Feliciano. What if it was important? What if Feliciano was in danger now? "You think he came here?" I realised. "Do you think he is here?"

"Sorry, but we can not give you any information," said the older officer. "There is no way of knowing. We are just asking you to be careful."

"Careful?" I laughed. Feliciano grabbed my hand again. His hand was so still it made me realise I was shaking.

"Is it because of last time?" I shouted. "I already said it! I would never put Feliciano in danger like that again! I'm sorry! If we need to know, say it!"

"Romano," chided Nonno. As I looked at the officers I could see that none of them believed me. I wanted to scream, but Feli's hand kept me still, grounded.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine!" I gave up. "Whatever. Can we go now?"


	9. Drowning

"We need to talk about it," urged Lovino trying to keep his voice down. It was past bed time and the lights were out. Nonno had send them to sleep just after diner, scared that one of them find the courage to talk about the Police meeting earlier. Omertà was laying evilly on them like a burden, fear dancing on their fingers holding on their forks and knives above the plates. But now they were alone, in the safety of their beds.

"I don't want to talk about it," answered Feliciano but there was no conviction in his voice. He rolled on his brother's side trying to see him throughout the ocean of darkness.

"Why do you think the Polizia was asking that? Do you think he is here?" continued Lovino, staring at the ceiling. Feliciano shrugged bed sheets whispering, waiting for my opinion first. "I think he is trying to contact us." Lovino said loud enough for his brother only to her, like if walls could be listening to them.

The younger twin huffed, "So what? There is nothing to talk about. The Polizia will be doing their job and arrest him."

"We could get Mama back!" urged Lovino facing his brother, the need of sitting up boiling in his body.

"We don't know what he wants," whispered Feliciano with a tightened voice. "Or what he will do."

"He is not going to hurt us!" said Lovino and Feliciano could not look away. Why does no one understand? "He is our father," repeated Lovino with the same certitude.

"I want to believe you, Roma…"

Lovino growled, hands running over his eyes. He could not be upset at Feliciano, it was not his brother to blame. There was no one to blame but him. The older italian breathed in, letting it go away once again, tying to get some sleep.

"We have to do something," mumbled Lovino eyes searching through the dark of the bedroom, while Feliciano fell into sleep. "Anything."

* * *

"So we have the awesomest joke of the year," giggled Gilbert. Antonio nodded uninterested. "So first we are going to full his locker of tomato can that we opened." Now Gil had all this attention but it was impossible for him to find something to say. "So when he will open everything will explode on him. Jack thought the tomatoes would be a nice touch to our first fight at the tomato buffet."

And Antonio watched Gilbert continuing insinuating the worst joke on someone they barely know was the best they could do.

"Jack always knows how to sign his mischief," sighted Francis. "Personnalise it. He could be a great artist."

Antonio conceded that nodding above my bowl of noodle. His parents were not home, which means microwaved food and video camera plus computer game all night with his friends.

"We have to go to the swimming pool anyway after," said Gil. "He will be able to wash it off. I think it's a good compromise. What do you think?"

Francis nodded, "Seems good enough, I can get the teacher assistant attention long enough so you can break into his locker. She has this amazing eyes, that I need to get into my list of conquest anyway."

Antonio was staring in wonder at Francis. Why would he agree if he actually believed it is wrong. He never said anything before against it but now Antonio was sure he was going to disagree make a settle comment on it. No he was encouraging it, helping, like if nothing changed.

"Toni?" repeated Gil. "Are you in or out?"

I hesitated looking at Francis's screen. He was typing some messages to some girls.

"He need you to buy the tomato cans," urged Gilbert. "And set it up obviously! It'll be so fun! We can even film it!"

Antonio breathed in. It's true it would be fun. He doesn't see why it should be a bad idea. Lovino was not even going to be hurt. They all have to shower after anyway.

"I'm in," he said. "Let's meet at the corner shop 30minutes before."

Gil giggled and jumped of his sit, making his notorious awesome dance. Francis smiled widely winking at me. Well… tomorrow was going to be a hell of a day.

"Now that's settled. Let's play," said Antonio grabbing his headphones.

* * *

Oh god shut up. Why won't he shut up. Lovino turned again in his boiling bed. It was dry and warm at the same time, uncomfortable. From here, he could hear the snores of Feliciano. It was amusing the first 10 minutes, comforting the first hour, but it's been four. Now it was just another nuisance. Just like this bed, his painful cheek, and the freaking evening they just had. He could still hear the TV from the other room, presenting and acting for someone probably asleep too. Feliciano apparently have it from his grandfather to snore like a train.

Lovino pushed off the bed cover, excessed. Why was I still here? Was the only thought echoing in his head. He sat up, pushing his hair away from his face. Sleeping was the worst, guilt and fear was always crawling back. It was the least he deserved.

How could he even complain? Feliciano probably has sleeping problems too but he is dealing with it. He curled up, glancing around this unknown bedroom like swimming in the middle of the sea. Everything was dark, he stared at it hoping it would open up and shallow him like it did with the room. Maybe he could drown.

He sighted, how depressing. What would Feli do? He wondered. Imagine out of the darkness a formidable place. He could imagine he was at home. Imagine that behind this black curtains, there was his home. He bite his lips. He could, but it was impossible to recreate the smell, the feeling, the family.

He closed his eyes knowing well it won't matter open or close it was just darkness. He tried harder. He imagine the walls, the rooms, but you can't see your home like you see your house. All he could see was the house. No home, no family. It needed to be filled, but now he was alone on this pictures of the house he left. It was like an empty shell. How could he be so stupid. Now he was breathless.

He laid back down, with no more confort than few minutes ago.

Light shone through the curtain and his first thought was the police. What did they want again? It was so late.

It took an unhealthy amount of time to realise it was not the police for one simple reason. He was in a building. Impossible for the police cars to shine that high. He straightened up. The bed moved and Feliciano mumbled. He got up feet encountering the red tartan carpet. He walked up the window and move the curtain on the side highly aware of Feli's position to not wake him up.

Lovino sighted. It was the sun. He glanced at the clock. 5am. Great, just great. He has not sleep at all. Trying would be more patience's consuming than to stay awake now on.

He sat on the floor drawing patterns on the floor like children play in sand, writing names. Few minutes later something started moving in the apartment. Nonno surely. No way he was getting out of his room now.

Time passed in a blur, Feliciano mumbling at times and cursing from the kitchen reasoned throughout the empty flat.

A moment he was on the carpet of the bedroom, the next he was in the taxi with the bitter taste of diluted coffee and burned toast.

"It's so cool!" His brother had coaxed hugging lovino's arm. Feliciano smiled brightly. At least he was happy or trying to cheer him up, Lovino was not sure anymore nowadays.

The police had decided to send a taxi to pick them up for school or anywhere they wanted to go actually. Oh Joy. Awesome, as you can imagine they could not even go where they wish without been watched by the police.

"At least we are not going to be late anymore." Lovino mumbled trying to help Feliciano drown in his sweet optimism.

He smiled and went back to his ringing phone. Probably that German bastard…

The city moved around while they were stuck in the traffic. Being by foot was a real desire even more so as Lovino knew the driver would not let them out unless it's in front the school.

I hate police, thought the older Italian seeing the concealed badge on the "Taxi driver"'s belt. He was no more a taxi driver than Lovino was an optimist. And the best of today's planing was coming: swimming pool, first period.


	10. Crazy

"I am not going to do it," I said out loud arms full of opened tomato cans. Everyone turned to me surprised. I frowned looking at my friends, maybe it was a bit late.

"Sorry?"

It could not continue like that. "We are not doing it now. It is not funny, it's bullying."

"What? Why?" grumbled Gilbert. "Are you crazy?"

"Why? Because I am vice-captain," said Antonio. "If you are going to refuse my point and I'll have to talk to coach."

"Really?" Jack sneered back at me.

"What?" I shouted. "I am the vice-captain. I have a team to get to the champion's cup and you are wondering first of all, why you should listen to me? Secondly have you thought about the risk of all being throw out of school missing training? Finally you really don't see the problem of bullying another player of the future team?"

Antonio stood his ground. "I am the vice captain, and you will stop it otherwise you are out of my team."

Gilbert and Jack looked to the floor. Francis wearing an blank smile on his face.

"We need cohesion," I continued feeling guilty trying to push reason behind my feelings. "I don't ask you to be his friends, but please, I have enough problems already than the team is fighting from inside."

"Okay, but he also have to make effort you know!" agreed Gil. "Talk to him! If he insult one more time my awesomeness and I destroy him."

"And if he can stop glaring at us," added Jack.

"Yeah that too."

I rolled my eyes. "One thing at a time. But I'll talk to him, and apologise for us being such idiots." Everybody nodded but Jack huffed and leave.

"It is not bullying," whispered Gilbert. "We just wanted to joke around."

"He won't see it like that," said Francis.

Gilbert grimaced. "Jack seem more upset now though."

"We need to keep an eye on him," agreed Francis. "I heard his family was having some issue. I bet divorce."

"What are we doing of them now?" asked Gilbert pointing the tomatoes cans.

"What about we put it on Elisabeth's locker?" wondered Antonio. Gilbert bounced up and down.

"God, yes!" he urged. "I never got back to her for pouring her Coke on me!"

The trio all turned ready to walked to the known third floor toward the notorious tennis captain. She had a hell of a left swing but the trio never backed down from a good fight. It was like a Derby. War going on since elementary school.

Lovino arrived in the corridor and stood still with a blank face when he saw us. He was quite beautiful if Antonio had anything to say. Quite casual and if his frown disappeared, he would be getting a lots of girls. His hair were tossed around, eyes sharp and unimpressed. He looked at me specifically and I was not sure how to move. So I smiled widely like I usually do.

He frowned looked at my left and right before looking back at me suspicious. Soon enough I realise I was holding cans of tomatoes in the middle of school. And I smiled wider. Slowly he got next to us, to his locker opening it, still glaring, got a book in and one out. He closed it and I was hanging by a thread. Gilbert was dead silent glancing at me.

"Hey!" I said trying not to look guilty at all. "How are-"

"Please, don't." He drawled with much distaste hands up in surrender. "I don't have time for losers." He rolled his eyes and was going to walk away.

"See that's exactly what I am talking about!" shouted Gilbert grabbing Lovino's wrist. Lovino barely had the time to shout than someone cut in.

"Excuse me?" and no one could sound so self-righteous and pissed at the same time. The Austrian student appeared behind Lovino. "What is going?"

"None of your business," hissed Gilbert.

"What are those?" Roderick asked pushing his glasses back looking straight at Antonio.

"Mmm," wondered Gilbert. "Still not your business."

Francis was going to interpose when the Austrian student continued. "I know you are still pissed that Elisabeth and I are-," Tomato's can splashed on the representative student.

Everybody stood still for a second, Roderick not believing what just happened, tomato sauce slowly dripping from his hair to his glasses. Gilbert was smirking not at all feeling guilty of the situation still holding the can.

Lovino was even more imperial and still not impressed. "Wow," he said looking at Roderick closer. "That was so childish."

"Antonio!" shouted Gilbert pointing at the Italian and Francis hold him back in time.

Antonio sighed scratching his head, Roderick could wait. "Lovino, if you want to be in the team, you have to be less rude."

"Say the ones who just attack the school representative," he murmured. Roderick had started to silently sobbed looking at his shirt soaked in red juice.

"You have to stop insulting other members of the team, Lovino." Said Antonio ignoring him. "I won't stop them from picking up fight if you can't hold your temper."

Lovino stepped closer. "You think you can scare me? You think you can threaten me?"

Antonio did not move, keeping his eyes locked in his.

"So! What can you do?" Lovino wondered out loud. "Hit me?" his fingers trailed on Antonio's arm up to the tomato cans but the vice-captain could neither move or look somewhere else that his eyes. He could almost see, almost touch it. It was all fake. Lovino continued. "Attack me with tomatoes cans?" he smirked.

Antonio was not sure how to answer and the hesitation was all the Italian needed to throw one on his face. Antonio stepped back in surprise grabbing the other's hand in a reflex. The empty can fell on the floor in a loud bang. Lovino tried to get away and Antonio's gripped slipped to his fingers because of the tomato sauce.

He winced, pulling harder away. "Let me go!" he screamed, his other hand coming to scratched Antonio's hand of. "Let me go!" His nails cut into Antonio's skin, he let the Italian crash on the floor. He did not have time to apologise, Lovino ran off. Okay… that went really wrong.

"Bitch," murmured Gilbert. "Really hopes he is still really good at football or I might kill him."

* * *

I ran to the bathroom. There was two guys, younger than me, chatting. "Everybody out!" I shouted and they listened.

I closed the door. I was okay, I repeated. I opened the water hoping that it would wash the blood away and the memories. No, no it was not blood. It was tomato, it was only tomato juice, I repeated to myself staring at the water running down my fingers. The red liquid diluted into the sink like a pink sirup.

And the next second, there was blood everywhere, pouring on the tap, on the floor. I could not breath. The walls moved. I looked down, my jeans were wet, soaked in blood. I closed my eyes wishing for it to go away, repeating in silence, it is not blood. It is not Blood. But it was just worst, I could feel my fingers smashed on the metal. Bones breaking out of the skin, the noise of each hits breaking them. Images would not leaving and I could not breath. I winced. Pain was running in my arms to my shoulders.

It was burning. I opened my eyes and jumped away getting my hands off the boiling water pouring from the tap. Breathless, I was back. The bell rang. I could hear the school chattering, the cars, people walking. I was at school again. I put my eyes back on the mirror. I looked terrible. What was going on? I wondered looking at me like there must be something on my face telling me if I was going crazy.

It never happened when I was awake before. I did have dreams about the incident but never awake. Was I going crazy? I did not even feel the need to cry but the tears where there. I almost felt scared to look at my fingers again. I frowned. Come on, Roma, I told myself, Feliciano is doing fine, why not you? I breathed in.

I looked down.

Everything was normal some red still hidden in the corners and under my nail. I never felt so relieved, tears dripping down on the sink. I was going crazy. I moved my fingers slowly, checking there was no pain left. I opened cold water finishing to clean up. I splashed my face of water I close my eyes. A door opened behind me. Then I realised there was someone in the bathroom. Jumping aside the moment I turned around.

"Hey," murmured the blond student so small and confused, getting out of the toilet. "Sorry." He continued on the same voice level running out of the room.

Who was he?

* * *

I let the cans to Gilbert while Francis got Roderick to the bathroom. I did not want to follow Lovino by running after him, it was creepy, but the thought had appeared.

But I am not creepy. I lost him in the staircase, anyway.

The bell rang and everyone diluted. At the end, I ran late to the changing room some people wanted to know why the tomato sauce. I struggled to find an answer. Some laughed and said I was just too funny. "Is it for tryouts?" they asked. Others cheered. They wished me good luck for the tryouts later today or told me they thought the principal was an idiot to give us detention. Being popular can be quite a job.

Result: there was no free changing room, nor empty lockers. I washed of the tomato in a flash. Finally, I ran outside almost slipping on the wet tiles, making everyone laugh and the teacher glare. I smirked, winked and everyone beamed at me. Belle stepped forward worried about me making high pitch noises that were supposed to be cute.

Groups were made from "Help me I'm drowning" to "I'm competing for the next Olympics game". The swimming team already took a line apart from the others. Nothing to be jealous about, the football team members were usually good, compare to the dead weight of the rugby team.

I turned around looking at my line. I was with Francis and Jack. The Italians were whispering. Lovino menacing darkly his brother, it would seem. Should I still apologise to him? He was not going to… Maybe I need to give him a last chance. Why are they all making my life so difficult.

I almost caught myself glaring at them. I tried to look above the fact that I wanted to punch the Italian in the face for the tomato juice. I breathed in. They were cute together. Feliciano sure was cuter but too much, you know? He was glowing in his Italian flagged short. But Lovino looked more thoughtful, maybe tired too and defiantly more interesting. They played opposite and that catch my attention now. Feliciano was jumping around, smiling too widely, being to noisy, being too happy. Lovino was rude, short tempered and threatening. Both trying to hide something in their own ways. Lovino was definitely drained by it faster than his twin. The question of even having them in the team started to appear but it will have to wait for this afternoon. At the tryouts. Francis, next to me, followed my stare. I was going to walk to them, when something block my view.

"So, what do you think?" Belle asked opening her arms wide. I looked above her shoulder shrugging.

"About?" I asked crossing my arm. I was getting tired too. Francis elbowed me. I looked down at her and the swimsuit covered of tulips she was wearing. "Oh! That's so cute!" I exclaimed and Francis sighted. "Be careful being adorable like that and boys will jump on you!"

She pouted. I frowned. Francis smirked before walking away slowly. Belle stood still looking at me in disbelief. I was not sure what was the issue, so I smiled wider. Before anything could go worst the teacher ordered groups to start swimming.

Gil started telling me about this video game he wants and how cute was his baby chicken last night, absolutely not ignoring Elisabeth whose friends was restraining her from jumping on him. Roderick was still at the infirmary, apparently.

I needed to apologise to Lovino and Roderick now, but I could not just ignore the fact that I still need to finish my History's homework before lunch break.

2 hours after, soaked wet and dead tired everyone got out of the swimming pool to the shower like a horde of zombies. Feliciano was apparently not tired enough and running up and down the aisle, giggling. If he shows that much energy on the pitch, Antonio could quite believe he would do an amazing player.

"What did he say?" whispered Gil getting the gossip of why Belle was so upset.

"Cute," said Francis rolling his eyes still naked. "I thought she was going to slap him."

"Do you think she is more upset that he is staring at Tomato Vargas all day long wondering why is he so weird or that he still thinks she is his little sister," Gilbert smirked, I was going to regret to even saying anything but I stopped Gil.

"I did not stare at him or wonder about him all day, it's just there is something weird about them. Do we even know why they came to this school? And I know," I said putting my t-shirt on. "She is not my little sister."

The duo shared a look of indecent disbelief. I was going to complain some more, defending my lost case when the teacher called out, asking everyone out. Lunch break, let's finish this History exercises. I was going to go crazy before the end of the day if things do not calm down.


	11. Captive

POV: Lovino Vargas

I can't believe the sport teacher said he was disappointed. What can he be disappointed of? I have not drown. Should be enough. Mentally complaining at the shout on I just received, I tripped fell face first in the stairs. Great. Sometimes the world just knows what you need. I got up like nothing special happened and made my way between the giggling students. Idiots.

I wish I could make it back to the apartment; now that I saw the shitty path this day was taking. Plus, I realised it was only the beginning. Great. As I walked up still dripping of that chlorine smelly water, I had no more expectations for this day. The most difficult aspect of it, was what to do of the time left locked up between this walls.

I guess it can always be worst. In fact I did not have to guess, I knew how worst it could be. How can I even complain? No one is actively trying to kill us, I'm not bleeding to death, Feliciano is having a quite okay day. I'm just tired. I need sleep.

I looked back at my hands. The "tomato is blood" episode had completely drained me of all energy. I'm trying so hard and all the world does it's adding to it. I breathed in. What if it started again? I pushed the ghosts away. I just need sleep. It was their fault anyway. The football team. Why was the spanish guy always in my way? I'll play football, I said I would so what is their problem? They possibly have no idea of what they did but what the fuck were they doing with tomato cans anyway?

The small voice came back with the same song: How can you even complain? I cough getting this feeling of my throat. At least trying. I shut my eyes, headache hammering my vision.

I walked up and I did not expect the football idiot trio to be in front of my fucking locker again. I wanted to cry, go back to the bloody bathroom. I took a large breath. Fuck them. Why do they do that? It was too late anyway they saw me. The spanish student smiled, it was so large. You could see it reach all of his soul. He was happy, and it kills me. Feliciano used to smile like that. When I realised I was staring my eyes ran to the floor my face burning. Great. If I was not killing anyone today, I swear I'll stop by the Church on my way to the house.

* * *

5minutes earlier

POV: Antonio Carriedo

"Hey coach!" I shouted passing in front of his office. He looked up from his desk and I knew I fucked up. A bottle laying half empty on the desk while he was taping on his phone, he seemed on the edge of explode in the room. "Sorry! Bye!" I replied moving away as fast as possible.

"What's wrong with the coach?" I whispered the moment I got to the rest of the trio.

"Heracles?" Francis wondered. Yeah… It was Heracles for Francis after an apparently short but passionate love affair between the two of them, then Francis left and had gone running after some exchange student from Finland or Sweden. Only to discovered he was married to another in Sweden. And there was this dog, I think it was theirs? To be honest I could not remember well.

"Something is wrong?" asked Gilbert. "More like is anything ever right with him?"

"He had been drinking more?" I wondered.

And Francis just stood there, smiling rolling his cigarette. "Well," he said. "Do you remember Sadig?"

Who does not? I sighted getting ready for the gossip. Everybody remembers Sadig. He basically fucked or fucked up everyone here. The director had to finally throw him out after the police arrested him for holding one of the largest drug traffic of the city. Though he was an amazing Math teacher, no one could deny that. Terrifying but amazing. Francis always said he is too intelligent for his own good.

"He has been seeing Heracles," continued Francis, stopping to lick the skin of the cigarette. "All summer."

We all silently thought it through. That was bad, they are trying to get the best out of the year and all the coach do is fucking around.

"Confiscated." Singsonged Arthur grabbing the cigarette away from Francis holding it out to Elizabeth who just materialised next to them. She grabbed it holding Gilbert stare and crushed the tobacco stick with one hand.

"You will suffer," she growled. Before walking away she emptied the rest in Gilbert's face. Francis was too busy eye-fucking Arthur to even worry. Arthur grinned slowly walking away. Even for me it was too weird to understand the thrill they got from bickering all the time.

Gilbert turned around to shout after the tennis captain. "What? Did I hurt your the little princess, Elisabeth?"

I rolled my eyes, thanking God we did not to had the time to trick Elisabeth's locker this morning. We arrived finally at the classroom.

And Lovino walking in again. The Italian's hair still dripping of water walking toward us. He looked confused. Maybe was he was coming to apologise! Talk it out!

"He is coming here?" I mumbled. Gilbert and Francis shrugged as I was totally not losing my cool. We could not apologise in front of the others. They could make things worst. I did not need anyone more to add to our chances of fucking up. He continued walking looking straight at me in deep thought. I smiled, and like he had not seen me before looked up to my eyes in surprise. He stopped few feet away blushing furiously. His eyes turned to each of my side and it caught my curiosity. Gilbert was smirking and Francis smiling with maniac charm (he thought it was threatening).

"What's your problem bastards?" he asked voice iced cold.

Francis was having his pervert face. This was bad. "Re-Bonjour, we still have some tomato can if you are interest."

"Listen up, Frenchy," he threatened. It was quite cute. "Fuck you. And regarding you two," he said glancing at Gilbert and I. I smiled. "Fuck off."

Ludwig passed by behind us, signalling to get into our classroom and everyone calmed down like children during christmas evening. Gilbert grimaced before entering the classroom. Francis left to, soon letting me alone facing the angry italian. Why was he standing in front of me? Doesn't he have places to go?

"What's your problem?" Lovino sighted looking at my face with some disinterested confusion. Like wondering if there was someone there at all.

He pushed some of his bang away of his eyes trying to lock them behind his ear. It was too long wet. My fingers ached doing it again they fall back into place or at least ruffle them. He was wearing a large black sweater and his hair were still humid. One of the joy of swimming pool in the morning. I had this weird certitude he probably looks like that on sunday evening. After a match, just lazily walking around in large clothe and unkept hair, probably laying in front of television. And I completely lost the path of the conversation.

"Eh," I mumbled, smiling again. He looked away.

"Look, I'm tired," he said with a great amount of boredom. "Just hit me, or throw tomato… I don't care, I just want get to my history classroom."

I looked behind me. There was a classroom. History classroom. I stepped aside and started to apologise in a mixed of words, like "I have history to! Jajaja I was on your way! And I would never hit you! Why would I? AhAH-"

"Whatever idiot," he mumbled stomping into the classroom.

Francis and Gilbert were near the front row both watching us intensely while setting up their books. And I knew something was wrong. I walked up to Francis who looked quite sceptic to confirm my fears. "Did I just mumbled Spanish?" I asked.

He closed his eyes nodded affirmatively sorry.

"It always happens when you're not focus," commented Gilbert not surprised. "Or too focus on something," he winked.

* * *

History

"But Madame," said again Gilbert lifting his hand. "What about Prussia?"

The first time the students always find it amusing. The second time acceptable, the third repetitive. Now it was at least the thirteenth time, most of the classroom growled, there was some pen flying in our direction. The others ignored it, they had had history with Gilbert before just as I and Francis did. I looked around searching for the reaction of a certain Italian. Lovino was asleep on the table face hidden on his arm. At least Gilbert was keeping the teacher to busy for her to notice him.

The teacher banged her head again the blackboard. "I don't know Gilbert," she sighted exhausted. "I don't know the position of Prussia about the Sino-Russian war. Can we please go back on the subject."

Gilbert stared at her with great disgust but did not push it. The classroom went back to it. Francis leaned toward me. "What's going with the Italian, are you getting a crush?" he whispered. "We don't do crush."

I looked back, at school it was no secret I was bisexual but the question was still making me wonder how many person actually knew. And how many judged me for it. I struggled looking for an answer. "I think once I'll apologise I'll be fine."

Francis scanned me, eyes running on my face. Ivan rose his hand. Everybody stopped moving.

"Yes?" asked the teacher, innocent, not really looking.

"I'm not liking how to talk about The Empire of Russia,"

"Well," she hesitated feeling the silence fall on the classroom. "Firstly, now it is not an empire-" She froze up in the middle of the talk and no one dare to breath. "Read pages 12 to 15, the class is dismissed." She started packing her stuff and ran off.

* * *

Detention

One hour detention was nothing compared to the 4hours one we got last year after setting fire to the laboratories. So everyone was facing it quite easy, few boxes to orders, few cupboards to clean but I had to find Lovino and apologise. Maybe it was only too ease my soul purely self relieving but I could not stand on the side anymore. He disappeared the moment I entered the kitchens. He was quite good at it.

After saying hi to Lucy I went to find him. He was moving cans in the back room like asked. When I walked in he was crunched down, I could barely see him. There was not much light in the room. I bumped into the table making Lovino jumped out his skin.

I laughed out of embarrassment. While he muttered in Italian, probably swearing. He looked so small in the large cupboard.

"Sorry," I said, he barely glanced at me still working on the cans. Not good a start, though I kept a smile on. It was not really his fault after all, my friend had punched him in the face and therefor was stuck here with us.

"How are you?" I asked. Now he openly glared at me, his fingers tangled with the hem of his sweater. His amber eyes directly on me. I did not stepped back. There was something resigned about him. Like if he knew he was cornered and could not win. He rolled his eyes after getting back to work.

"I… I'm so sorry for the first day-"

"It's okay," said the Italian full of anger not even waiting for me to finish. He was lying, it was not okay and Antonio knew it.

I had to try something else. "How is it going?"

Lovino was making a point of it by letting his box fall. It was quite theatrical. I followed his eyes to the box on the floor. "You don't get hints, do you?" he mumbled passing one of his sleeve against his forehead like if a beginning of headache was threatening him. He looked so fragile. "How is it going, right? Does it look like it is going fine? Do I look like I am? Like I want to be here? Listening to your lies? Hoping to lessen your little conscience? You want my absolution, my blessing? You have it. Now get up and walk, and leave me alone."

I frowned at his aggressive behaviour, focused on what Francis said. He was wrong. He does not hate everything, he is scared. We are so different and I was doing so wrong with him. I starched my head I needed to stay on point. "Listen, we really got off on the wrong foot; I never meant to scare you." I said looking straight at him as sincerely as possible. As blush started to appear on his unwounded cheek, he stopped moving or trying to escape my eyes.

"Scare me?" He repeated with a laugh but not loud enough to be taunting. He was glaring so maybe he was trying to taunt me."Your friends hit me, I throw tomato at you. We are done from the beginning. I'll play for you and stop insulting you if you and your friends stay away."

"I don't want to force you," I murmured looking aside. "You don't have to play. I'm sorry you believed I wanted to get you in the team like that," I continued. "It was awful. You were the new student, I was curious and I just wanted to be your friend. Sorry you took it wrong." He narrowed eyes in suspicious. He was not glaring so I took it as a good sign. "I'm really bad at first impression. Can we start again?"

He shrugged, "I really can't bloody careless." He was so scared. "Just," he said grabbing another box. "Leave me alone."


	12. Fighters

The sun was still heating up the pitch at this time. Everyone had been hanging around after school, chatting with old friends, sharing summer's stories, waiting for the selection to start. Everyone was playing nice but you could feel the suspicious glance thrown toward you once in a while, like ice against your neck. Competition was getting in place but Antonio kept cool laughing loudly with his friends. They did not have much to worry about. They did amazing last year, Ludwig won't change much. The pressure was on the others, the ones always moving between the pitch and the bench, between anonymity and glory. They knew the feeling of making the perfect move, combination, making you team goal after hours of exhaustion. They heard the public cheering and shouting their name. To be part of a team, to lose fighting together or to be legendary together. Antonio glanced at the Italians. They were the only ones Antonio had no idea where they stand. Should he be worried for his place? Feliciano seemed to happy-goody to play attack, but at the same time all that enthusiasm could be the fire making him go for the goal. Lovino did look anything but enthusiastic at the idea of playing. Ludwig arrived.

"Let's go!" Shouted Gilbert stomping on the pitch, his shoes tearing the grass and mixing it with the mud. "It's going to be awesome!" Ludwig glared.

"10minutes run and warm up, then we'll play!" shouted Ludwig killing the enthusiasm of the teenagers. Everybody complied without to much complaints letting the bottles of water to fall and waving "later" to their friends cheering.

"Tryouts; Take two," shouted Francis doing the cameraman job. Because yes, his life is a movie. He was wearing his all black, allegedly tailored sport wear, (Can this things even be tailored? It was just to small and therefore modelling his body) and a little bun on his head holding his hair in place. He was quite a sight on the pitch and the small group of students, who came to hang a bit with their friends, were not disappointed. He smirked and waved at someone, probably his next conquest. Arthur rolled his eyes but did not say anything, everyone was boiling in excitement. Antonio too hates this few minutes before playing. While you play you are not thinking about the weight or people watching, you are playing your game, doing your job, doing everything you can but now there was nothing to do but drown into the prospect of it. What if he did not train enough this summer? Football was in his soul, what if he could not make it into the team? Or vice-captain? Even more egoistically, what if someone played better than him and he gets replaced? He glanced at the italian brothers. Lovino seemed confidant and calm almost bored while silently listening to his brother's ramblings. Feliciano was clearly excited of the prospect to play moving, talking senselessly and fidgeting.

Some groups already forming following into the usual training. Antonio smiled, it was a familiar habit. He would ran with Gilbert. Francis would be behind with the Swiss guy and Arthur not caring to break to much sweat and allowing them to bicker. On the other hand, Li and the Japanese guy, Kiku, would always try to win some kind of competition.

Antonio squinted his eyes. Li ran up to our group in a sprint, not even breathless, apparently he did not lose any strengh during the holidays.

"Jack wants to sabotage the Italians," he murmured. Antonio raised an eyebrows and looked up for Jack. He was with Arthur's group, whispering. If Antonio could have stop and punch the guy in the face he would. But he was working on it. Working on not resolving problems with violence, but some days, it was like the world knew he was holding his breath and would do anything to make in give in.

"I thought I was clear enough," Antonio grumbled. Gilbert stayed cold silent only sharing a glance. Li shrugged and ran up to the front scaring to death the other Japanese.

Soon enough we were all finished with it. Coach arrived running and late. "Sorry forgot about it," he mumbled to Ludwig. Lovino raised an eyebrow not amused but surprised. He murmured something and Feliciano elbowed him in the ribs in outrage. The coach kept his eyes on Ludwig, asking him to continue.

"Few games to try out each of you," Proposed Ludwig and Feliciano nodded enthusiastically. "Let's just see how it goes."

Some people whispered waiting for ludwig to create the teams. They were few minutes away from starting now. Lovino sat down with Feliciano like it did not matter for them, after all they did not know anyone. They did not care who was going to be in their teams. Antonio glared, they seemed to calm. It was quite weird and Francis walked up to me, now his hair in a ponytail now, still panting.

"Excited to see your 2016-little obsession play?" he asked now official making fun of it. The bitch, thought Antonio. They had started to give a name, he was always getting quite obsessed with some one new every year there was Roderick, some exchange students from South America, but saying that Lovino was an obsession was a bit quick, it has not even been a week.

"He is not my obsession." Antonio lied and went to drink some water ignoring Francis. "I apologised, we are fine." he said, Francis raised an eyebrow. "I mean- I am fine. There is no "we", I am fine. Totally over it. Even if there was nothing to begin with." Suddenly adding, "I am fine."

He rolled his eyes when Gilbert arrived. "What did he say?"

"That Tomato Vargas was not his obsession," answered Francis off hand walking away already. Gilbert laughed out following Francis. Antonio stood alone in the running corridor before running after them. Why was his best friends always teasing him? Weren't they suppose to support him? The blond player that no one remember it's name, possibly american, passed them to get to his side of the pitch, defence. He glanced at us, Gilbert looked away. It was adorably awkward and Antonio smirked.

"Should we talk about what's his name… Mathew?" teased Antonio.

"Who?" asked Francis frowning but Gilbert stayed silence glaring.

"Is he your obssession this year? " I asked teasingly. "I'm sure he forgot about the Canary incident." Francis was laughing now.

"Yeah! Dream team! Take position," shouted Ludwig full of sarcasm. The trio nodded apologetically.

"Relax," whispered Francis. "You will do fine, like always." I smiled widely. "Anyway," he said of hand. "Look out for Jack." But it was nothing Antonio did not already know.

* * *

POV: Antonio

The teams were quite fair. Gilbert and Francis were with Lovino in attack. It took Gilbert a lot of glaring from his brother to stop complaining. It was quite an intelligent move for Ludwig not to make them confront each other. Gilbert could not outward punch Lovino or reverse. Surprisingly Lovino said nothing, unmoved by it even after Gilbert elbowed him walking to the pitch to take his position.

Everyone usually was getting on well enough to play this mixed team game. Jack and I were in the other team with Arthur and Feliciano who was more busy smiling sweetly at Ludwig that looking at the oher players positions. That was going to become a problem. Jack followed my stare; "If he is not good he could always stick to Coach Assistant."

I did not answer.

Ludwig started the game, with the reminder: "Play nice, guys. It's not worth to get wounded." Gilbert rolled his eyes, people might worry he takes it out on Lovino but I knew him. Winning was more important for him, on the contrary Jack never played fair anyway.

It started slow-paced with few passes, Lovino staying out of sight on the left wing. Arthur found a way in, I followed him. The game quickened. I received it, eating meters. Francis tackled me and I lost the ball, running after him in the classic counterattack panic. That what happens when you play against your friends. They know your game. I looked around; who could help Francis? Lovino was in the far back, Gilbert was closer breaking in the defence.

"Feliciano, stay on Gil'!" I shouted to our defence still surprised of the overturn.

"Someone?" Shouted Francis looking around when Kiku blocked the way. Jack came out of nowhere stealing the ball. Fews passes, Kiku, Jack, then Arthur helped us turn the game around. We are running toward the goal, few more meters. People started cheering.

Li crashed in, tackling Arthur. More like stomping Arthur's foot, they both fall. Ludwig let it play. Li doesn't washed the second, takes the ball, neither does Arthur who gets up chasing him. Complains disappeared once Li started to run past the mid field, players to occupy breathing in oxygen than to keep shouting to Ludwig.

The pass was to Gilbert, but that when Lovino finally started to play. He ran up and cut the ball track. Still in midfield, he passed by Arthur easily. I stopped, watching him. I wanted to see it.

"Antonio! Stop dreaming!" shouted Jack running after Lovino.

But Feliciano and then Kiku, our last defence, were passed by and Lovino shot. The ball almost went in. It was kicked with much precision, curved ball but no force. Everyone who had not, stopped running now staring at him. Lovino stretched out like finishing his breakfast, not caring. Gilbert was laughing out loud as Ivan, ice giant, stood still in front of the goal, ball in hand trying not to look like he almost missed it. Feliciano was beaming and jumped around his brother, and Ludwig returned his smile.

"Can we actually play now?" wondered out loud Lovino walking passed Jack who was fuming.

"Don't get used to it!" he shouted before glaring at me. "Beginner's luck."

Ludwig started the game again. Jack first, some other players, I followed and the rhythm quickened. I could see Lovino coming up to our left, and Gilbert on our right. We crashed into their defence. Jack got stuck with the Swiss guy and the one I can never remember the name.

Jack crossed the ball to me. I controlled it, looking for options and Lovino was in front of me.

I dribbled, trying to go for the right. He blocked me like he could read minds, I looked up. He was entirely focused on the ball and my legs. He finally looked up to my eyes feeling my stare. He smirked, there was like fire in his amber's eyes. I could feel my adrenaline go up. I never saw him so alive and I was the one scared. I tried to escape on another side. I lost the ball. I barely see him ran passed me and I followed up, but with not much hope. Arthur could not do much neither. Gilbert and Francis stayed around him, in case he needed help. Apparently not, as Lovino took his mark and shoot again straight into the goalkeeper. Ivan stopped it without difficulties this time. He was not surprised.

Lovino did not appear annoyed and smirked at Ivan. I could hear Jack growling from behind.

"What's going on Antonio?" called out Ludwig in disbelieve. "Awake up your team!"

I smiled at Ludwig but Jack did not find it funny.

"What were you doing?" Ivan shouted to our defence. Feliciano was smiling proudly, trying though to act innocent. And that's when Jack lashed out.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he shouted at Feliciano, stomping toward him. "You have not even try to stop him! Because he is your Brother or are you just that bad at football?!"

I jumped between them putting my hand on Jack's chest. "Don't."

Gilbert caught Lovino in his arm, whilst in mid run toward Jack shouting Italian insults. Ludwig ran to the pitch but Ivan beat him to it.

"Get out." He said and everybody froze. I looked at Ivan, he was dead calm and serious. I had a sudden rush of relief to not be the captain. Jack bit his lips while Lovino was still arguing with Gilbert about how he should be allowed to beat him up, something to do about honour or such.

Ludwig did not even have to say he agreed with Ivan. Jack pushed my hand away and walked of the pitch to the changing rooms. Everybody relaxed. Feliciano was still, looking at his feet silently.

"Sorry," he murmured as I walked past him. I stopped. And I hesitated, looking at the others, Lovino and then back to the defence player.

"It's okay," I answered quietly. "You were doing great."

Feliciano looked up and smiled with such strength I almost fell back. "Thank you Captain!"

"I'm not-" but it was to late he already walked of to Lovino. "I'm just vice-captain." I finished glancing at them, Feliciano like a child, had his trouble forgotten, asking Lovino to calm down.

Another game was starting. The last one. This time Gilbert actually passed the ball to Lovino, raising his eyebrows, taunting him to play it. The italian stood still a second too surprised to move along. Arthur stopped him, I came up. It got tricky but the Italian actually lost the ball.

Passes were thrown around in mid-field in a nerve-wreaking Spanish game. Gilbert broke it, passed to Lovino. He ran up the left wing, most of the player following up. Kiku was the only one close enough to Lovino to tackle him but he hesitated. Now it's too late, the Italian stopped next to the corner box and has the clams to hold the ball waiting for Gilbert to come around, dribbling seconds away, playing with Kiku. Feliciano blocked Francis, but Gilbert sprint out of Li's reach. Too late, Lovino made a break and sent a killer shot to Gilbert. Ball get in, goal! Ivan could not stop it this time. People are cheering on the side lines and I smiled to because Gilbert is ecstatic.

Gilbert threw his arm above Lovino's shoulder laughing, saying something in his ear. Hate disappears so fast when the reasons are unfounded. A shot of jealousy went through my spine. But I don't say anything. Lovino only glared at Gilbert unamused, a bit unease by the sudden contact.

Well, I think we will have new players this year. Roderick on the side lines was already taking notes for new tatics, combinations. This year was going to be great.

N/A: Hi! I survived Mid-terms! So, sorry for the wait. But now, I will be able to upload more regulary! I hope you guys are alright, thanks for reading. :)


	13. Again

Trigger warning: Light mention of self-harm. Just to be safe.

POV: Lovino

I put the letter in front of me, on the bed.

Okay, it was probably the worst idea, since… At least since, we got here.

The letter arrived again today. The blue ink and dirty paper showed up at our doorstep. It was the same address, same writing. Curiosity was going to kill me anyway but the worry of going too far, was on the back of my mind. It was not my home, I did not have the right to open all the letters, or open all the drawers.

Last time I followed my instincts, last time I did what I thought was best, I ended up making the worst decision of my life. I breathed in, fear running in my blood from what I already knew and from the unknown of that letter. It was probably nothing of interest. Right? Why do I get so worked up?

It's not like there could be anything worst in that letter, I wondered, taking it in my hands again. And now it was in front of me, looking at me, waiting for me to act upon it. I grabbed the edge of it realising my fingers were trembling.

Okay, no. I sat up, letting the letter fall carelessly. What was I doing? Did I do enough damage yet? Restless, I got up, I just need to get some sleep. I decided on a shower, I need hot water after running that much. This summer did not let us anytime to play football, all my body was sore.

But, shower did not help, it was like a itch on my skin. I started scratching my arm letting the water pour on my hair. The day had gone okay at the end. We made it to the team, Feliciano was dancing in Heaven. Matches were good, I did not have to think. Yet, I ridiculased myself at the goal shooting after the tryout matches but Feliciano made a good impression on the one-one-one fight. We can't have everything.

I was… happy, I guess? I did not really mind. It's not that I was sure to make it in the team, but I could not get myself to care that much. It did not matter. Not really. Not like it used too. Though, thinking about something else than my biggest fuck up was good, doing something we used to do and enjoy, was good. And it should not be, not for me. Maybe I should not have even tried.

Anyway, Feliciano was so happy. There was no faking there, and he kept on laughing and singing. It was nice. Though, I did not say that, obviously.

But then, we got at the appartement, the letter was there again, on the floor, at my feet. I hold the door for Feliciano, he waltzed in still rambling and giggling. And I grabbed it. Without thinking. I should not open the letter, I should not even have taken it. It's not mine, this apartment is not even mine, neither this shower or the places I go. I remembered bitterly the way the policeman glanced at me all way back to the house. Like he knew I was the one who did not deserved to be here.

Pain shoot and I realised I scratched to blood. Fuck. Great, what the hell was that? Did I get a mostiquo bit? I really need to cut my nails and sleep. Sleep would be great. I washed the it all off in hurry. One tomato juice is blood incident was enough for this week, for this month or the rest of the year really.

I got out, put a quick bandage on and dressed up. When I came back in the room, put on my headphone and froze again realising I was not alone. The letter was still there. I could not move and watched it laying on my bed. I was being bullied by a letter, amazing. In a rush of confidence, I decided; I was going to open it, I swore. Too bad if Nonno sees it.

"Lovino!" shouted Feliciano from downstairs. I grumbled hiding the letter under the night table.

I pushed one headphone on the side of my head. "What?" And that apparently that gave him the authorisation to barge in dressed in yellow and green, it was quite good on him but the only sight of this colours was giving me an headache. He jumped on the bed like he used to, hugging me close. I tried to escape. "What's going on?"

"Get ready! We are going to party!" he shouted overexcited.

I stopped faking and pushed him of me for real. "What?"

"The party at Yao's house!" He pouted.

"What?"

"For the new selected team!" squealed Feliciano.

"What?"

"Stop repeating yourself, you sound stupid." He chided, poking my cheek.

"You have not heard yourself," I murmured.

He laughed and pushed me gently. "Okay! Let's go!" He shouted exactly.

"I'm not," I glared at the same time, putting my headphones back in one swift motion.

Feliciano pouted try to get it of my head. I fought back and he gave up. I laid back on the bed like royalty. Feliciano moved away. But the little devil grabbed my phone and the music stopped as he unplugged me. I growled getting up. "Give it back!"

"Come with me!"

"No."

"Please, come with me!"

"No."

"What else do you have to do?" whined Feliciano but something sad eyes caught my eyes. I diverted mine, shying away. Silent fell on the bedroom. I did not want to go there. Feliciano'd better not to go there.

"I'm worried for you," confessed Feli and I could not look at him. He went there.

"I'm fine," I assured him without proof but confidence. But there was no need for a law degree to know that it was negotiation tactics. Nothing would hold in court as evidence. Nothing was fine with me. He stared at me. "I'm fine," I repeated. "Anyway, it's not like Nonno will let us out, he will follow the police advise and keep us locked in."

"I already asked," sing-songed Feli. And I knew what was coming, I rolled my eyes. "They said yes."

"Oh, surprise."

Feliciano frowned and made his terribly sad face. It breaks hearts, I swear, the little devil. "I just want everything to be normal for a day…" he confessed. "And have some fun."

I shallowed a sight. "You can go if you want," I said.

"It's not the same without you!" he complained. And my broken heart got stomped on. The little devil. "I can't have fun, if you are here alone, wallowing silently in pain."

"I don't wallow silently in pain," I answered back a bit offended. "I just enjoy quiet."

"You do wallow in pain," he said. I glared. "Please?"

I tore my eyes away from the little devil.

"Por favore, fratello?"

I closed my eyes regretting it already. "Okay! Okay!" I gave in. "Okay, get out! I need to dress up then!"

He beamed, jumping straight up with all the stars of the universe in his stupidly adorable little eyes. He did look like nothing happened in this moment. A smile creeped in. It was quite warm.

"And please, wear some colours," he whined, walking around the door like a diva.

"Get out." I shouted throwing my pillow at him, laughing.

Maybe things could go better.


	14. Five Minutes

POV: Antonio Carriedo

Music was blurring out the stereo and the moment I walked in, Gilbert threw his arm around my shoulders pushing a cold beer in my hand. I felt at home in one second, forgetting about the empty house I just left.

"Am I late?" I shouted over the terrible music. Gilbert laughed.

"You only missed one beer!" He answered before whispering in conspiration against my ear. "Belle is here. She is stunning. I've got 10pounds on you guys making out."

I smiled widely, uneasy feeling running in my spine. Panic flood I tightened my hold on the bottle. That was way to soon, what was I suppose to do with her? But I did not say anything to Gilbert. I believe in ignoring problem until they go away like any good teenager with the fear of responsibility. We ran into Francis. He was having some cherry, fancy cocktails with peach sirup and hugged me without crashing neither his or my drink. Some french skills I believe.

"So I've got exactly 8 new _conquêtes_. All of them breathtakingly beautiful, obviously," he announced rolling his eyes, checking his watch. "And it's only 10pm. What about you?"

"6," growled Gilbert letting me go. "But let's talk about it again in 5 minutes."

Francis waved him off shouting as he leaves: "And remember it does not count if you already make out once before!"

I laughed at that stupid competition maybe if I start now I could get past Gilbert, one of the advantages of being the football-almost-captain. My eyes ran over the crowd. I caught something new, it was Feliciano jumping up and down dragging Ludwig on the dance floor.

"The Italians are here?" I said without stopping myself. Francis nodded.

"Feli is quite an animal party," laughed Francis and I feared the worst. "But we all know you are not talking about him."

"Very funny," I hissed drinking my beer again. It was the cheap asian kind, why does no one ever buy Spanish beer?

"This afternoon, they were quite good, right?" Francis said off-hand but he was lying to me and himself. This question was cold stone serious, not "off-hand". He was asking if we had a shot. Were they good enough? Can we win the competition this year? He hided behind his cocktail.

"Lovino managed because he can create game, also he can not shot to save his life," I said. "I think we just need give a plan and focus to Feliciano. Playing Kick and Run in a new team is never easy. Even more unfair for defence players." Francis nodded waiting for me to continue. "Feliciano needs confidence in his game and Lovino confidence in the other players. We can manage."

"And I'll manage you, and your lack of confidence." He got his hand on my tie and loosen it.

"Sorry, what?" I asked stepping back.

"Belle thinks you look the best like that," He said, finishing his work.

I rolled my eyes, like she cared how I was dressed. She was so into me I could be wearing my pyjama it would be fine. But even though, it did not help me, I was feeling so inadequate around her. Like we were dancing a candle in hand. It was iddillic but was going to end terribly. It was the envoutement of putting too much money on a single player. There was way to much hope for perfection about me going out with Belle. We would not survive the first bump. I smiled uneasily at Francis, I was not worried about her perfection, but about mine.

"Now, go get her, Don Juan! I've got money on you two going out! And Everybody is dying of the inexistent suspense of your love story."

"You bet too." I sighted looking around the room wondering how many people were waiting for me to meet their expectations. How many people gossiping about it? Maybe they were right. Maybe it would be perfect, for everyone.

"Aren't you suppose to give me the big brother threat of killing me if I hurt her," I said smoothly getting away from the subject.

"She is my cousin. You are like my brother," he rolled his eyes as I smiled truly. "And I'll have the talk with her, because she'll break your heart."

"Thanks," I answered sarcastically.

"You are not worried about it, right?" Francis suddenly asked, like he just glanced into my mind. I was bloody terrified, yeah. I glared, wanting to push him out suddenly worried everyone would know, I am only pretending to be okay with it all. He almost stepped back and I was regretting instantly my glare.

Before Francis could say anything else, Jack jumped on us with shots of whiskey. No one ever says no to a Scottish man proposing whiskey if you want to stay friends. Time passed, I was ready to see Belle every five minutes, appearing at any corner of the room. Though, the house was so big with the garden and the two floors, maybe I won't even see her!

I met Yao thanking him for the party and complained about the beer. It was a bad move.

I saw Li and that blond guy, that I keep on losing the name. Gilbert was talking to then. Well, he was trying. He tiptoed around the blond boy, laughing weirdly at everything he said. Li was watching everything silently not helping and quite amused at watching Gilbert ridiculise himself. I elbowed Francis and we stole Gilbert away saving him from further embarrassments. Li just in time whispered I should look for Belle. I glared at him. All I got was "What? I've put a lot on this bet!"

I did not answer that and stepped away with Gilbert.

"Argh! That was so unawesome!" he growled.

I patted him gently on the back. "It's okay, my friend."

Gilbert was quite rueful. And while Francis went in a long discourse about the corelation between real love and the need to override great difficulty to make it more special, tequila appeared in front of us. Yes, tequila can teleport. Sneaky tequila. It must be that, magic abilities or how do you explain; You are mildly tipsy enjoying your night and before you know it, tequila appears and you are shirtless on the dance floor.

* * *

POV: Lovino Vargas

The moment I walked in into the party, I knew I made a mistake.

We were there early, thanks to our nice escort who arrived and let us go on time. This time it was simple gray car, no more mascarade. The 30-something policeman did not hide his identity. I could only wonder if he did that to win over our trust or to threaten us. Nonetheless, Feliciano had been really friendly with the policeman and the man was actually falling for it, asking about school, friends, football. Like Feli said, if he was going to be around, we should at least be friend!

Sure, I crossed my arms glaring at him all the way to Yao's house. I was not going to forget why he was "going to be around" meaning breathing down our necks. He was not driving us around with the city council money for the joy of talking with Feli. We were hostage waiting for them to decide what to do with our conditional liberty. And the harshest truth of it all was that it was all my fault. I put my brother and I in this transparent prison all by myself. My skin was itching for 5minutes of freedom again. 5 minutes of they not knowing where I was. 5 minutes of not being afraid, they would suddenly brag in and decide otherwise with us. I winced stopping to scratch my skin. I really need to cut my nails. I started bitting them pensively looking outside, letting the city running away with freedom.

And there I was, in a new prison setting, four walls, unknown people dancing. Music was blurring out the stereo, songs I've never heard and Feliciano loved it. The first hour, I followed Feli around. Then like usual he started to forget about me talking to everyone. It was so usual, I was almost happy. He was right, for one night everything was normal. Hours started to pass by, the music was not very diverse. It started getting on my nerves, loud hits, buzzing and people shouting. It made me strangely more and more anxious. I found a corner and decide to calm my nerviousity with some wine. After all I was at a party, people won't worry if I get pissed drunk. People never worry. I looked outside again. Maybe I could step out. Just 5 minutes. I saw the gray car stationed in front of house an hour ago. It is still here.

Anyway, I should not. And I was not. I was not going to try anything, I promised myself.

* * *

POV: Antonio Carriedo

It was around midnight things calmed down. I was laying on a sofa (my shirt miraculously back on) with some other players when my eyes caught something. Jack was rambling about some football game tactic he just saw on TV but being half drunk there was not much to learn of. And from the corner of the room, I could see someone I have not talked to yet. Lovino was here. He was standing next to the kitchen in his black jean, black shirt and black hoodie. He seemed quite proud, eyes fixed on Feliciano, ready to jump in and censor his brother's fun when needed. Feliciano had been the attraction of the night so far, engaging crazy dance move, laughing and shouting excitable high pitch sounds with designer clothes. I vaguely remembered him dancing on a table. People had just befriended him the moment he walked in, talking about everything and nothing with him. Everybody was looking at him like this social friends, nice, positifs and confident. Everybody wanted to be around him. And I was quite liking sharing the attention. Being able to enjoy the party not having to make it live was quite good. Francis was frowning a bit but I knew that Gilbert was also secretly enjoying it as it gave him a chance to hoover around his Canadian crush. I looked back at Lovino, he did not appear to be talking or being in contact with anyone. People mainly ignored him and he did not seem to care. I took a deep breath and walked toward him.

"Hey!" I said, he glanced up at me. Glanced up, not glared. Good point. Mental high five, tomato dance~ Anyway, I need to stop the tequila. I smiled. "Having fun?"

He rolled his eyes not even acknowledging me with an answer. It was a stupid question I know, he did not seem like having fun but was he really going to just ignore me? He was nursing few glasses of wine already. How cute, it was not a soccer player drink to have at a trashy high school party, as much as Francis like to disagree, but either way, he was not aware of it or he did not care. Possibly he did not care. His lips were already tainted of red.

He went back to sipping, honey eyes just staring at the mob of people dancing. I stood there in silence, my mouth attempting to find something to say. He banged his glass against the wooden table, making the glass wince as he slide it. He took his iPod out, then slowly started to untangle his earphone.

I stayed and I asked; "Are you really going to ignore me?" My four shots of tequila were not settling down after Gilbert's competition.

He simply shrugged. _Shrugged._

"I am the one to be upset!" I said a bit childishly and he glared at me. I clenched my fists. "You threw tomato at me. I stop them from bullying you, _And_ now my best friends gets all friendly with you because you help him win few matches. But you won't talk to me? What did I ever do to you? I already apologised."

His eyes widened searching my face for something, "Are you?"

"I am, what?" I asked so surprised not that he finally said something but to have his whole attention thrown at me. At this point I could not hear the music anymore, it was like being put on the spot light, as I just forgot my lines.

"Are you," he repeated a bit unsure now, but still leaning to hear in my answer like if it was some kind of valuable gossip such as football strategy. "Upset?"

"No! I'm not upset," I shouted exasperated.

He frowned, squinting his eyes. "Okay," he said in complete disbelief. "Anyway, I don't care."

And he went back to sipping his wine, taking away his attention, leaving me, standing here the music blurring senseless lyrics. He glanced now and then in my direction but it was not enough to remplace his full focus. It was becoming awkward and a hand slided on my arm. I froze, my heart picking up a race. I knew with perfume.

"Antonio~!" Belle shouted draping herself around my arm. "Where were you?"

"Oh, I was… Eh! Around?" I took a quick breath and smiled wider hoping for the distraction to work few seconds. It worked Belle's cheeks turned to a sweet pink. She looked away. It was not as terrifying as first planned. I was almost happy to see her, happy for salvation from the disastrous discussion with Lovino. I glanced back to him who had barely turned to look at Belle.

She shook my arm. "Dance with me!" she ordered, eyes brighting in enthusiasm.

I gave up. I passed my arm around her waist moving to the dancing area smiling big. She giggled, blue eyes sparkling and accentuated from the black eyeliner. Francis said she made a special effort, not wanting to replay the same fiasco that at the swimming pool. She looked mesmerising in that short red dress, dangerously more adult than the swimsuit. I did not had much choice but to go with it. I had my football team, was working on my grades, and now I was getting the perfect girlfriend. Everyone else wished they could have this thing that made her fall in love with me. Belle was on top of being beautiful, terribly funny, cute, she had this killing French accent. Sometime sexy, but mostly she was deeply caring about the people around her. It was perfect. She was perfect. My parents would love her. Frankly I had to stop being so annoyed by the Italians. Everything was running quite smoothly for once in this universe and I let myself smile dancing away the night, eyes locked with hers.

Unaware she was going to kiss me in 2hours.


	15. Just tonight

Hey, sorry for the delay guys! Please tell me what you think about this chapter.

1hours before collision

POV: Antonio

Around one am people started dying out and someone was especially dying for pasta. Feliciano had apparently the effect of getting whatever he wanted, puppy eyeing everyone in the room. And soon enough everyone wanted pasta too.

I won the walking a straight line test, and therefore as the less drunk of the group, was send to cook. On one hand, it was relief to finally have few minutes apart from Belle. The guilt of feeling like that was terrible because it was so unfound. I could not even look into her eyes.

I walked into the kitchen, Lovino was sat on the counter, still drinking his wine. I crunched down opening the lower draw. "Hey," I said half-hearty, just trying to follow what I said to the rest of the team, be polite but he smiled shyly. My heart jumped and I knocked myself out on the open draw like an idiot, blinking few times. His smile had disappeared in the mean time, his amber eyes fixed on his drink. His cheeks were so flushed, he was probably more than a bit tipsy by now.

"Having fun?" he asked eyes glancing quickly at me and I smiled. Was he trying to apologise for earlier? Maybe. It was worth taking the chance.

"Yeah," I grind. "Going to make some pasta."

He bit his lips trying to stop another smile. His eyes a little more lighted up than usual. And I knew I was falling fast. He managed a side glance. "I imagine Feliciano has nothing to do with it."

"Nothing." I said laughing. "He does have a way to get what he wants."

"Tell me about it." He said swinging his legs, from where he was sat. "Imagine having him at home."

I chuckled, getting the pot filled with water.

"About earlier, you did not do anything wrong," he said, finishing his glass as to stop himself from saying more idiotic things. He put his glass down, hitting the marble counter. He occupied himself by finding another bottle, not meeting my eyes.

Was it his way to apologise? Damn, he was so cute.

"Does that mean we can be friend?" I asked.

He looked up, confused, stopping for a moment his attempt to pour more Bordeaux into his empty glass. His ashen fingers threatened to let the black bottle go as he put it back down in a rush. His whole focus on me. My confidence was steaming away. Maybe I assumed to much of it? He was lost in his thoughts, golden eyes fixed on me and I wanted to explode, say something, do something. I could not read him and it was crazy. I was going to step closer when someone walked in, taking away Lovino's whole attention away. Everything whirled back down and the world was so frustratingly bland. He was weirdly addicting.

"Come on Lovi!" shouted Feli who was completely drunk whirling around as he walked in the kitchen. "Don't have such trust issues, make a friend!" chided his brother, giggling. "You can apology too."

"Shut the fuck up, Feli. I don't have trust issue," he pouted. Then he turned to me. "You ain't getting an apology from me. Your friends assaulted me first. If they try again I'll kill them."

"That's how he ask people to be friend," explained Feliciano ignoring his brother who was cursing. Feliciano pass an arm around his shoulder. Lovino glared.

"Threatening to kill my friends?" I asked.

"Exactly," Feliciano laughed again and left with a "Good luck with him now."

I could not help but smile. My eyes trailed back to the other italian who was loudly swearing in his native language to his brother. He had turned so red.

"What's wrong, bastard?" he asked noticing my stare.

"Nothing," I smiled, all too happy with myself.

We talked for a bit, he was transferred from London but born in Roma. Living with his grandfather or uncle I did not quite catch that. He glared as he said it, "Nonno", his eyes locked on his glass. So I changed subject making his eyes return on me. He smiled few times, and shouted when I wondered if 20minutes was enough for pasta.

"Don't you ever cook?" he chided.

It was apparently uneatable. It needs to be aldente not, I quoted, like "fucking boiled potatoes". He seems strongly opposed to "boiled potatoes". So we made some again, he rolled up his black shirt sleeves. The shirt appeared to be Italian design and probably was. There was some milky bandage around his forearm, that made me wonder why his skin was so ghostly pale. Summer just finished, all the student were still from lightly toasted to charcoal after interminable football matches under the cooking sun. But not him. Neither his brother it seemed. What did they do all summer? Didn't they play football? I was going to ask but he inquired about the whereabout of the "pasta bowl". What the bloody hell was that. He was opened some weird cupboard full of chopsticks, bowls, but "pasta bowl" were nowhere to be found.

We talked football. He was quite adamant, his light accent sometimes slipping back to a strong Italian dialect rolling the "r"s and giving intonation to the words when it was about its home country's teams. It was quite hypnotising. He was much more fun than sober. Maybe he is always like that when he gets comfortable with someone? Or maybe we should keep him drunk.

* * *

2 hours after contact.

Antonio looked down, it must be at least 3meters of thin air between him and the terrace. His feet must _not_ slip from the wood line of the french window. Antonio grabbed the metallic cable stepping a meter closer from the floor. He looked up again to Lovino. He was watching calmly the concrete slab, with some kind of disinterest.

"Lovi, maybe we should go back," trembled Antonio.

But the second Antonio finished that sentence, his hands hurting, he let the metal slipped away and he fell in a loud commotion. It was not nice, it was not something he usually did. He landed on his feet, falling backyard against one of the bin. He was fine, it was not that high, but God, he was not doing that again. He was shaking from the fall. His hands exhausted. He almost wanted to shouted at Lovino's face, that he had stupidly dangerous ideas. But when Antonio looked up only one word came out "No!"

He did not listen. Lovino pushed against the wall and fall in the grass just next to the bin. Antonio jumped to his feet running toward him.

"Don't tell me you were scared," whispered Lovino sitting up his eyes shining with adrenaline, his hands shaking but apparently fine. "What?"

Antonio shrugged looking at him with some disbelief. "Well, when I sneak out, I don't usually jump out the second floor."

Lovino looked at him for a moment, pushing against the trash to stand up. Then he probably just assumed that as the popular kids, Antonio would be used to sneak out to parties. Obviously.

"Did we _have_ to use the window?" complained Antonio still trying to rule his breathing. The other though was already set on the second part, getting to the road.

"More fun." Antonio raised an eyebrow and Lovino turned his head just in time to see it. "Why? Were you scared?"

"No." He lied. It was so dangerous, but Antonio was not going to voice that. Did Lovino really not think it through? Did he jut not care?

Lovino felt the blame thrown his way and he just shrugged. "Maybe you preferred everyone to see who you were leaving the house with. Or more exactly who you were not leaving with."

Antonio glared at him, trying to intimidate him enough to shut up, to not talk about Belle. At least tried because Lovino was overly occupied by opening the gate starting to move down the street with cautious.

"I don't want to talk about her." But should he say about "us"? Why did she have to kiss him? Why did she have to change everything?

* * *

20 minutes before:

The pasta were ready and when his friends arrived and he forget about me all over again. Lovino glanced to the bottle grabbing it with his left hand, securing his fingers around it. Exactly like Belle's hand on Antonio's arm. He did not even look back. And like a switch it was like Lovino crashed back down to reality. He was apparently getting sober again as this nagging feeling of constant dread was coming back. Great.

"Let's play a game!" someone shouted and it was like the best thing anyone ever thought of. The crowd was delirious. And Lovino just drank again, perfect, he just had to disappeared upstairs, maybe in the general enthusiasm he could manage to-

"Fratello! Play with us!" beamed Feliciano.

He tried to move away, but Ludwig was just next to Feliciano. Too close for Lovino's taste, so you know, he was going to stay just to make sure Ludwig was not getting any closer.

And without knowing Lovino was part of the bottle turning stupidly cliche game. Instead of crying the fact he could be home- wait no, he could not be home. Because you know what? His home were kilometres away. Great. Fucking amazing. Lovino took a swing of the bottle again. Maybe he should start looking for something stronger, it's not like there is anything else he could do now, right? That's for sure, there was absolutely nothing he could do, nothing else they can except him to do than to be utterly drunk.

"Fratello!" shouted Feli, punching his arm.

"What?!" snapped Lovino.

"It's your turn."

"What?"

"If he is not listening, he should not play," grumbled Gilbert.

"He is!" said Feliciano turning back to his brother pleading him to agree.

"So… What do I need to do then?" cooperated Lovino like an hostage with a gun against his head, and without meaning it, he glanced at Antonio. If someone else was dealing with an hostage situation, it was obliviously him. He looked like he was to sit an exam in 3minutes.

"Drink that!" rushed a blond guy with round glasses. He did remind Lovino of Alfred. But he was not going to mention that to Feliciano. Instead Lovino grabbed the glass, looked inside suspiciously. Everyone was watching him, exactly like he was doing with the glass, trying to see, trying to guess what it was.

But then Feliciano giggled and Lovino could not just throw the glass on the floor and leave. He breathed in, and down it.

It was, he'll give it to you, disgusting, but at least he would probably not remember much after that one.

But he did remember and quite clearly.

* * *

30 minutes after collision:

The game died down after that little scene and only now Antonio was noticing the damages of the house as he walked around. Technically he was looking for my phone, that was what he said to Belle. Honestly, it was on the counter downstairs. But they had too much alcohol in their system to take any decision and she kept on pushing, and cuddling closer. Francis raised an eyebrow and Antonio knew he had to get away.

Anyway, he just could not concentrate on the story about her holiday and this spanish city, she liked for whatever reason, in that unsubtle way to get him to invite her there. Because he had the money to take her there.

She only kissed him. During a game. He had let the alcohol run but all logic was frozen inside. It did not mean anything? Right? And she just kept talking and was slowly falling asleep. That is when he ran away.

He passed by the living room. Feliciano was still alive, burning low, like a calm fire now rounding some of his friends passing secrets. He was mostly rambling drunkly on the sofa to the ones with the most stamina like Gilbert and Ivan. Ludwig was there too, usually reasonably gone home by now, he was here, drinking each of Feliciano's words instead of the cheap alcohol and that awful Chinese beer.

Antonio walked up the stairs, and there was five different bedrooms. He opened the last one to hide. No one would go upstairs unless they are drunk and if they are, they would crash in the first bedrooms. The one at the end of the corridor was the safest.

The moment he closed the door behind himself, he realised his error of judgement. Lovino was laying on the bed, sound asleep, spread out on the sheets. He was going to walk out because duh, he is not watching people sleep. It's weird. But, he did stand awkwardly few seconds, maybe few minutes. The boys lips were half open still stained of red, funnily the same shade of Belle's lipstick. But they were different, Belle's were much more curved, more rich, sweet, not bitten and attacked to such extend it was not so hard to imagine the red wine marks being in fact bruises. And while Belle had nothing to be jealous about, all could Antonio think about was the smile they did in the kitchen. Antonio's eyes went back to his skin sickly white. He was nothing compared to her lively tone. But then again he could almost taste his blush back in the kitchen.

He felt terrible not to be able to keep it on, his smile, his blush. Like it was something he should be guilty about. He should be able to do something, to reach out.

It could be so easy though. Lovino was laying here, on the terrible orange coloured sheets, Antonio could wake him up and try again. Try? What? That was stupid. Antonio swore he had to much alcohol. Lovino was nothing, bruised and asocial. Why was he even comparing him to Belle? Why was he hiding here letting Belle alone?

"Are you going to leave or am I going to keep pretending to sleep until I actually do?" Lovino opened an eye.

"Mm… Antonio?

Trying to hide?" He asked again.

Antonio nodded mutely trying to get his classic stupid smile on, to hide the monstrous embarrassment shallowing him.

He was going to step in when Lovino finally succeed to sat up, after few misses, too much alcohol. His hair tossed all around his head like a palm tree, making large curves in every direction. It was quite hilarious.

"From who?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"What?"

"From who are you hiding?" he repeated annoyed, trying to pat down his unruly hair with one hand, the other searching for a forsaken bottle of vodka.

"I'm not sure," Antonio said uneasily grabbing the bottle putting away. "Everyone I guess."

Lovino glared.

"What about you?"

"Nothing specially entertaining," he shrugged. "Drinking myself into oblivion mostly."

Antonio looked around the room. It was possibly Lee's room and there was something wrong with the window some sheet falling from it. Antonio walked up to it.

"Don't!" Lovino shouted suddenly up and ready to tackle him.

Antonio stepped back. "Are you trying to jump out the window?" he asked in astonishment.

"I am not." And such conviction almost convinced Antonio.

"So what are you doing with it?"

He shrugged. "To get out? Why should you care?"

"Why not take the door?"

"It's not fun," smiled Lovino and Antonio was trying to not be too proud.

"But why get out?"

Flash of fear run across his face, Lovino stepped back, closing up. "Why not?" he taunted.

"I am not enjoying this party neither." Antonio plainly answered looking out the window again. It was like two floors down.

"Why are you here if you don't like parties?" Lovino asked.

"What about you?" He fired back not wanting to answer, he knew any answer would be a lie as there was no truth, he had no idea.

"I asked first." Lovino chided quite proud to have him cornered. Antonio could feel his scrutiny and something told him that the italian would know if he lied. Maybe and Antonio was not ready to lose that thin friendship. It was ridicule to think that such a white lie would matter, but not under his full focus.

"I don't know. I'm vice captain." he simply answer. "You?"

"I've got an tenacious brother," sneered Lovino.

Antonio accepted that with honour and got back at looking at the window. "Should we try then?"

"No," scoffed Lovino. "You are not coming."

"I'm not letting you do a stupid thing alone." He said in a dead cold sober tone, the one he use on the pitch. There was no discussion there.

Lovino looked back and forth between the window and him. "Fine, whatever bastard, let's do it."

* * *

2hours and 35min after collision:

Defeated Antonio said it out loud, "I don't want to talk about her."

"You don't want to talk about your new girlfriend?" he asked trying to sound surprised but Antonio knew he was not that into the conversation neither. "That's a new concept in teenager's hormonal brain."

"She's not my girlfriend," Antonio shot a small rock away, anger running his veins.

"Maybe you should notify her of that," mumbled Lovino stopping at the entrance of the park to glance back at him.

"Just let it go," Antonio walked past him. "Why does it matter so much?"

"Sorry, I won't ask again," he drawled, like fun was somehow being murdered because of Antonio. Lovino shrugged his eyes running around the trees. You could still hear the simplistic beat of music, the melody was muffled with the sound of the night. It was not that creepy quiet you get when you walk alone in the streets, thought Antonio glancing at the stars. It was nice, calming. Wind was caressing the leaves and everything seemed to matter so little. Like if the time had pause.

Lovino sat down, fingers fidgeting, twisting a little branch. The park, the trees were calming, exactly what he needed. Finally out, not spying on, not prisoner anymore.

"She is not my girlfriend." It was almost a question. And when Lovino did not say anything back, Antonio looked for his words again. "I, I don't know. Okay?"

"Do you want it to be?" asked Lovino disinterest with the branch looking up to him.

"Yes," He hesitated. "No, maybe… Just why. Why does she have to change everything, you know? What gives her the right to waltz in and destroy the game."

"Change might be for the best," he said from the swinging chair. "If what you are hoping for is worth the risk of sabotaging the state quo."

Antonio could feel the venom of his voice licking his cheeks. Lovino did not believe a word of it. He was begging Antonio to disagree. Like he needed to find someone to blame, to help with burying his own problems. He needed some else to be upset with it, someone else to shout to the world that change only bring anxiety and fear. And Antonio was not going to step away from that knife. If Lovino was going to play this game, he was going hold the wooden handle tight twisting the knife exactly like Lovino was fearing.

"You must be right," and just like that Lovino knew that Antonio knew. Antonio was seeing right through him, and his lies, and his threats. The italian looked up at him, upset and hurt that he did not contradict him, that he saw the trap. Antonio was staring back, unafraid. Lovino might pretend everything was fine, but Antonio notified him now, he was seeing through all his bullshit.

"What's going on with you anyway?" Asked Antonio keeping the high ground he just got for the first time. Lovino looked back to the little branch between his fingers, torturing it in silence.

Antonio did not press, not really wanting to know the answer anyway. Lovino's world was on fire and Antonio's file is scattered with arson.

"Let's just go back," sighted Antonio.

Lovino did not move.

* * *

3 minutes before collision:

And the bottle turned to Belle, Antonio heard Elizabeth giggled, jumping up and down exactly like a child on christmas. "So Belle," she laughed.

And the poor girl was so red and glaring at her friend, "No don't!" but there was not venom, no real pleading. Just maybe the sudden embarrassment of what was going to happen.

"I dare you to kiss the person you've been dying to kiss the all night," Elisabeth giggled. "And don't cheat, everybody knows who it is."

At that everybody chuckled, whistled and stared at Antonio. Not that he was not used to get the all attention of the crowd but this was not something he was looking forward. He felt utterly mortified. He glanced at Francis who winked back. Gilbert was clapping his hands like encouraging the all process like a football game. Finally his team was going to goal.

And the worst was yet to come. Belle, who was so damn beautiful that night, looked up to him and even surrounded by all these savages, she still was perfect.

She turned to him, her small hand hiding part of her mouth. "Come on Beth! Chose another bet!" she said giggling too.

Elisabeth did not even answer that fake question. Belle was probably aware of her plan before the game started.

But anyway, she turned to Antonio.

"I don't want our first kiss to be like that." he said trying to ran away without moving.

"We are tired of waiting for the inevitable!" someone shouted.

"Belle- " and she kissed him.

Antonio pushed her. And he hated the way she looked at him and his utter panic. He decided, right there, she was right, he sat back, holding her hand. He glanced at Francis who was shocked mostly but warning him. He could not make such drama now. It would destroy his reputation, Belle's too.

"Sorry, I jumped," he whispered to her, his other hand going in her hair, pushing them away. "Can I kiss you again?"

She blushed, relieved not to be rejected in front of everyone, but also completely run over by her emotions. She smiled with such candice and nodded shyly. She looked down. "Yeah, sure."

And he did again, like sealing his fate with hers. It was not bad really, she was perfect as usual. Everybody around them whistled, beamed at the new couple and laughed. Some money, Antonio swears, was exchanged. And as the seconds passed like hours, Antonio became more and more focused with the people around, almost forgetting what he was meant to be doing. Only when she moved closer, throwing her arms around his neck, Antonio realised, breaking the kiss away.

"Let's stop here," he said smiling one of his special bullshit smile to her. She beamed.

"You are do nice! What's wrong with you!" she hissed trying to sound playful. "I've been waiting for like forever!"

Antonio did not move, nor answered, paralysed. Preferring that numbness to the anger building into him. What was her problem? Why wasn't she happy? Why wasn't he happy? He closed his fists.

"Don't tell me you are going to make me wait until we are married to do anything else!" she said with a pout, and everybody laughed. She was only teasing him.

"I'm so happy for you," coed Elizabeth, hugging Belle away. And it should not have been a relief.

"Don't worry, I'm going to organised the dates myself." She continued still playful grabbing his hand.

Francis was livid, astonished maybe. He mouthed: why did not you say it before?

And Antonio's eyes widen, say what?

Fuck, what was he going to do now?

He needed to run away.

* * *

3hours after contact:

"Hey." Antonio walked closer almost sorry just for saying: "Let's go back."

Lovino barely nodded, getting up. It was like he was not really here. Antonio could not understand why he lost him again. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Lovino just huffed walking away. "What's going on with you?" asked Antonio again but more for himself really.

And like the Devil heard his calling, and reality crashed in. Wind whirled and Lovino's head snapped.

"Fuck," hissed Lovino eyes fixed just above Antonio's shoulder.

Lovino jumped, and tackled him behind a tree and the first thing that came to Antonio's mind, was that maybe Lovino should play rugby. His breath caught against the tree, he barely shouted: "What the fuck Lovi!"

"Shut up," whispered Lovino, amber eyes just centimetres away from Antonio's. "It's the police." He said with much venom looking behind them again. The police car was still there. It had stopped.

"Why are we hiding from the police!?" Antonio tried to whisper, not knowing how he could be so calm. Wondering why he was not pushing Lovino's hand away from his chest and just stand up. Push him away, he had kneeled between Antonio's legs pressing him against the tree. It would be so easy to push him away.

"Shhh, I'm not allowed out." He put his hand on Antonio's head like it would help keeping him still. Maybe it was to keep himself from falling, Antonio could feel who much he was trembling. That might be why Antonio was not pushing him away. Lovino was terrified.

"What? Why?"

"Someone is trying to kill us," Lovino said looking up again. Why was the car not leaving! Fuck! "Just shut up."

"Trying to kill us?" hissed Antonio, suddenly worried. He grabbed Lovino's t-shirt. "What!?"

"Not you idiot." Whispered Lovino furious not having the time to explain nor the patience. "Just keep quiet."

"What- " and nothing else could be said as Lovino barred his mouth with his hand. Antonio did not fight of, surprised that Lovino was actually acting like a 4year old. He was feeling anger building up though but it was at bay, like something was cooling the fire burning low. Antonio was utterly confused and that normally amount to punches and violence. But he was there, still, anger kept lock in like some miracle.

Maybe it was Lovino. Even under the force of his pressing hand, Antonio could feel his shivers. He looked up to Lovino's face he was crying.

The younger notice Antonio stare, and embarrassment creeped in, he tried to look away. And Antonio just could not let him look away, too worried maybe. What was going on?

Lovino shut his eyes hiding his face in Antonio's shoulder. "Just stay quiet, please. I'm sorry." He repeated. "I'm so sorry."


	16. Deal

Minutes passed and silence fell in the street, the same beat was hitting the silence coming from the Yao's house. Lovino finally moved looking up and around. His hands not leaving yet Antonio's shirt. It was no use looking around, everything was pitch black but Lovino had to believe he could be safe, that the control could stop dripping through his fingers. They had to move, because staying here was not a solution. He should have known better. Stay at the house. It seems that anything he tried always end up with the need to run away. And no matter how far, he was never running away far enough. Lovino shut his eyes for a moment.

"I think they are gone," he said loudly like half deaf from the earlier panic. Or maybe it was just Antonio being hyper sensitive.

"Someone is trying to kill you?" Antonio hissed unable to catch his breath, still so close from the Italian.

Lovino's mouth moved but nothing came out the first time. His hesitation was about answering the question at all, not the actual choice of words. Slowly his expression was trying to smooth out, into surprise, innocence, lies, and Antonio wanted to pluck it from his face with his bare hands. He was going to deny everything. Antonio knew it, and he was going to beat him to it. "Don't you dare deny it."

And still in the mud, Lovino stared back at him, like holding back some stupid outrage outcry. Pleading Antonio or anyone willing to listen, not to go there.

"Maybe. So what?" He did not breaking eyes contact, Antonio did not waver. Behind them, Antonio could see once again only fear. There was no doubt about the silent threat Lovino intended in his words but Antonio guessed it was all about fear.

"People are trying to kill you and you are like so what? And decide to walk around in the forest!" hissed Antonio.

"Stop it." Asked Lovino but it was drowned by Antonio's frenzy. Really? Was he going to throw a tantrum? For what really? Lovino stepped back he let the shirt go.

"And why are we hiding from the police?!" Antonio grabbed the Italian's t-shirt, anger boiling in his blood. "What did you do? Did you steal something? Drugs! You can't play with us if it's drugs!"

"It's not-"

"Shut up! You shouldn't be alone in the forest! It is so dangerous, imagine who ever is trying to kill you, finds you! And what about me? Are they going to kill me too? What if they find us?" Lovino frowned trying to move away, he did not have to imagine that, thank you very much. "Who is trying to kill you?!"

"They are not going to kill me. Nor you." But Lovino immediately regretted it, because the hand in the shirt tightened. His mouth locking up, drying up.

"Don't lie to me! You were crying, shaking!"

"They won't kill me," spit out Lovino falling against Antonio. He was done fighting, he was exhausted to keep it in against the whole world. "You don't believe me? Well, fuck it. We need to go, so hit me, break my bones, I really don't care. Just get on with it."

It was not a threat. A simple statement, and Lovino would not meet Antonio's eyes. If it was that or whatever else he said Antonio could taste bitterness and selfishness. It diluted anger and his fingers opened from their own. Lovino would not meet his eyes, because that was exactly what these persons, he was hiding from, was going to do to him. And Antonio knew that from the way he was shaking that they did find Lovino once before. They took from him his soul, his humanity, building his coldness around letting fear live inside. Just like him, they would hold Lovino's t-shirt close, threaten him, shout, and hit him. Antonio felt disgusted with himself. "What's going on with you?" he demanded.

Lovino stayed calmly silent, frozen in an interrogation waiting for the hit. But Lovino's eyes were no liar and Antonio was way too close to hide them. They were utterly panicking, trying to keep the flood and the fire to spread. Without reason, Antonio swears it was making him want to commit murder. "What's going on with you?" he whispered, begging again.

Antonio gave up, closing his eyes. He let go of everything and felt Lovino withdrawing. He put some distance and all the humanity and fear behind his eyes disappear, hidden once again from the world.

"Stay out of it Antonio." He answered with such coldness that it sounded to Antonio like an order. Too bad, Antonio never really followed one. But he said the name and it made Antonio stood up too.

"Wait," He closed his fist on Lovino's wrist not letting the younger just run away. Lovino was glacial, dead in front of him. Dead but moving, like if every else had been an act he was no more interested to keep up.

"Just stay away." Repeated Lovino with no heat, his arm limping between Antonio's finger and he wanted to melt it away, to crush it. He was so thin it would have been so simple.

"Well, looks like it is easier said than done," mocked Antonio.

Lovino rolled his eyes, not buying into Antonio's humour, tearing his arm away from his grip. He was looking around now, apparently there was more pressing issues than glaring at Antonio. Yeah, fuck it, he was so tired. He sighted getting this weird numbing tinkling feeling through his hands. He could feel the water filling up his head, slowing his thought. He needed to get home, everything was getting heavy, cold. The police might have just drive past them. "Let's go."

They started walking in silent, back to the main road. And Lovino could not believe his stupidity, the car was there. Waiting for them even. Lovino did not have the time to backtrack.

"Please, don't move! Police!" one of them shouted.

"Stay where you are!" added a second voice just behind Lovino.

Lovino cursed, turned back grabbing a handful of Antonio's t-shirt. "RUN!" Antonio stumbled at first before getting the idea and followed up running.

* * *

Lovino on lead, they left the park cutting through the mud. He could hear the police shouting behind them. He jumped the little fence delimiting the park easily and did not let the time for Antonio to hesitate.

"Come on!" He shouted, grabbing Antonio's hand to drag him behind.

Now on the dry pavement, Lovino was getting faster. Damn he could run swore Antonio trying to follow. They turned left behind some house. Going down some street still lost in the residential areas. They were going around another before Antonio had the time to recognised the general direction. Lovino apparently had some great instincts concerning losing the police. After 20minutes they slowed down. Antonio almost crashed on Lovino when he suddenly stop.

"What?" asked Antonio out of breath not even caring to take a step back.

"I think we lost them," smiled Lovino also trying to catch his breath. His cheeks were scarlet and Antonio could bet he was in the same situation.

"Did we just?" laughed Antonio slightly hysterical from the rush in his blood. Lovino's smile just exploded in a chuckle and Antonio felt silent, his fingers gazed his other's shirt. Lovino was utterly breathless, mouth open gulping air, his hair trashed from the run and sweat but for the first time, fear had disappeared from the younger eyes. They were wild and free. And his smile. He was alive. Antonio tried to bite down his smile and the urge to push him against the nearer wall and kiss him. He blamed that entirely on the adrenaline. Nothing more. Maybe the alcohol too. And maybe his bloody smile. But nothing else, swore Antonio not daring though to step back keeping him close not wanting to miss anything.

Lovino finally did step back. Walking he pushed his hands in his hair, adrenaline still pumping in his veins."That was so close." Lovino started walking in circle to calm his breathing.

"Do you do that often?" laughed Antonio.

"Only on weekends." Lovino smirked stopping a moment using his t-shirt to clean the sweat dripping on his face. Antonio tore his eyes throwing then on the floor. Trying to not look at his friend casually almost undressing. Can he not? Desperate Antonio sitting down agains the wall.

Their breathing calmed down. Their pulses started to slow until everything was quiet.

"So are you going to tell me why we just ran from the police?"

Lovino glared stopping in his circle. "Let's walk back."

"Lovino… Really?"

"We are not talking about it!"

"What? Are you kidding? Do you think I'm just going to ignore what happened?"

"You'd better."

"Or what?" taunted Antonio. "I could call the police right there. You can't do that again." Said Antonio again and Lovino stepped back, more than one wavering step, he walked back enough to have a sufficient advance to run away and not get caught up. And Antonio hated himself for that, anger spreading like heat and it was starting to burn his hands.

"Or what?" mocked Lovino but it was a poor try. "Why do want to know? Isn't it enough for you to understand you don't want to be part of it?"

Antonio stepped closer. "You need to tell me if someone is trying to kill you!"

"Well no, actually, I don't." he said with that annoying matter of fact voice, on point, aim to strike deep in the cage. He was doing what he was taught to.

Lovino's head was buzzing, why did everyone always wanted to know everything. Know each corner of his mind, like it was their due. His head was already full, full of all this bullshit and fear. And really, why did he have to require access to it to? Lovino's hand got stuck in his head. Why can't it leave him alone. Now. They were dead anyway, it was dead, it was past. It was like being stuck with zombies on a locked pitch. There was no way out from it, he would just have to keep running away from it.

"Are you kidding me?" shouted Antonio opening his arms wide.

"You- I," Lovino sputtered before swearing out loud. "For fuck's sake, why did you follow?!" said Lovino ruefully, that was all he could manage for now. It was more for himself, but Antonio did not care. "This is none of your business."

"But I'm-" mumbled Antonio.

"What?" mocked Lovino looking around again. "You are what? Vice-captain?" he laughed. They needed to finishing this now and move away. "Let's go."

And it worked because the idiot stayed silent, Lovino stepped in, toward the house.

Antonio followed, a bit hurt and kept silence. I'm your friend, he wanted to shout but Lovino was not even looking at him. So he settled down with a pathetic, "What is going on Lovino?"

The Italian did not looked up from the street, but answered anyway, "Let's make another deal."

"What?"

"I promised to play if your friends leave me in peace," said Lovino. "Now promise to stay out of this and I'll help you win."

"Uhm?"Antonio was going to say a thing but he fell short. "Win what? The championship?"

"Yeah, Feliciano did say something about you guys needing to be classified so you can get to your dream universities."

"And you can help with that?" Antonio sounded suspicious but Lovino did not waver.

"Well I can try. You need a solid and trustful team. I can make some efforts. It would not take so much to actually have teamwork on the pitch. Plus I know some drills from St Mary school."

"This is not right," sighted Antonio. "You know I should get you off the team. The police is after you? People are trying to kill you? How are you planning to play? You can't be focused on not getting killed and play at the same time."

"I'll stay alive." he said like it was enough. "I'll deal with it and I'll make you win. Just keep your side of the bargain."

"Lovino…"

"Yes or no Antonio?"

"Yes. Yes, okay but if you think you can't, you must come to me."

"And you'll keep quiet?"

"Deal."

"Great."

"Let's go back."


	17. Prison

N/A: So yeah one of the longest chapter yet and also more violent than the others... Thanks for reading!

POV: Lovino Vargas

If one thing was to be remembered at my funeral was my overwhelming skill at making bad decisions. I shallowed down the tears, wincing a bit at the tightness around my throat. My fingers hovering around it trying to find the problem, the restrains, but there was none. Pain was already stamped into my skin. There was no bruises visible the nurse said, only redness that would go away soon. Great. Just give it few days. Lucky me.

I stabbed my nails into my hand begging things to stop.

My prayer was answered by Nonno walking in the ER. He was going to bring me back to that apartment, shout on me, yell a bit, and I wondered if Feliciano was going to be awake when I'm back. Nonno might be reluctant to yell at me if he was asleep. Or maybe this will be it, maybe it is me crossing the line and Nonno will get the courage to finally hit me.

As he walking in through the corridor of beds, he wore a resigned look on his face. He was not slowing down for the families or nurses hoovering between the beds like little bees in the garden. I shielded myself for one of his glare, a promise for later to make me regret what I did. He would not shout here, he was to proper for that.

In fact, he did not even look at me, his eyes were fixed on the small, blond and jovial police officer standing in front of my bed. I could not hear a word of what they said. Nonno was holding back. The policeman kept on pointing at me but Nonno would not look.

He would not look at me. And I was not sure if it was a good sign.

"I don't care," Nonno huffed, hands flashing up. And he turned back. He walked out the same way he came in.

Oh Great. Relief would have flooded in if I was not worried by the thought of being left here. The police officer turned back to me. As he walked up to me, he was the one confused and even slightly sorry. I could barely hold a sneer off.

"Sorry boy, but it seems that you're staying with us tonight." He was waiting for a reaction but nothing came. "I'll come get you in a sec."

Great. I smirked back going to back to the past hours activity, glaring at the floor wondering when I will be able to run away again.

* * *

2 hours earlier

"Where was I?" He will repeat surprised. "Blacked out drunk on the floor, why?" He will sneer back at the officer.

Or again; "Throwing up the vodka upstairs, why?" More aggressively stupid, it would sound more like me. Better. Less like a lie.

The police would be waiting for them. The only way was to get in back inside and play innocence. Lovino frowned thinking about other alibis to the questions the cops were going to come up with. There was no point ignoring the situation. The car saw them. They probably got to the house and realised he was actually missing. Lovino was lying to Antonio and everyone but not himself.

It was a jailbreak with no real goal but fresh air and freedom. But now time was up, he could almost hear the sirens behind him, closing in. Lovino just did not care enough to search for any complicated plan to save himself from what was coming crashing down. Like a life sentenced prisoner, they could not really do anything more than just put him back where he came from. He was just going to deny everything and fall silent. A speciality, he developped quite recently but surprisingly efficient. Police officer would give up and let him back into the house, back to the prison.

They did not talk on the way back, Antonio was too frustrated for anything else. It was either walking in silence or punching the closest thing at reach. Fury was tickling down in his arms, his bones were hissing for a fight. Antonio was not liking this hostage situation, it was supposed to be only a random walk. The police was looking for him? It did not make sense. He kept on glancing to the Italian in front of him wondering either to hit him or the wall behind and get the answers he deserves. But he was trying to convince himself that it does not matter. He did not need to punch the wall if it did not matter. Lovino was right, Antonio did not want to have anything to do with that. It's only been what? A week they had known each others? Antonio was not going to get involved with the police and all just for a person he barely knows. That was a mess and it was not looking good.

They were getting closer. Lovino started pulling on his sleeves around the corner. His lips were chapped from the continuous bitting he had undertake on the way back.

Suddenly he stopped and turned around facing Antonio. "You have not left the house. You have not see me since midnight since the game." Antonio was going to answer something stupid and Lovino shushed him. "Just say yes and go back to your girlfriends. They won't even ask you anything."

Antonio ground his teeth, no, he did not like been thrown around.

"You promised to stay out of it," continued hotly Lovino already tired.

There was no answer. "Whatever. If you know what's best for you, stay out of it." hissed Lovino before starting to climb the gate.

* * *

The house was weirdly quiet, most people had gone home and the music was turned down. They did not bother with the window and just got in by the kitchen back door. Bottles were laying around and the smell of cold tobacco was settling in. They did not even left the kitchen, someone shouted after them.

"Boys!" shouted the man.

He was a police officer in civil, the same one who drove Lovino there earlier. He was young, slightly distressed by the situation. Lovino froze. Antonio stared at him, tried to understand but nothing was making sense. How could the police know where he was? Know where they were going? Was the police watching them all along? Why is Lovino so calm. He knew they were going to at the house.

The police officer stepped closer. "Steven! I found him!" he shouted back.

A voice rose from the living room, enraged. "What!?"

Antonio grabbed Lovino's wrist, hiding him behind. It was a reflex, nothing else behind it than the reflex of getting someone out of a train's way. He knew the Italian was not going to run, there was no use but that does not mean Antonio would stand aside and watch. Lovino was completely still behind him, eyes fixed on each of their moves.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed.

The young officer rose an eyebrow as Steven barged in. He might have been twice his age. He stomped closer to them. He too was dressed in civil and looked like he has been and back to hell, sweat dripping from his face.

Lovino struggled to get away but Antonio did not let go. Lovino glared at him before schooling his face turning to the officers, cold and unimpressed.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated terrifyingly calm.

"How dare you! You little," barked Steven. "Where were you, Romano?!"

Lovino flinched.

Antonio blinked. "Romano?" Lovino ignored his questioning stare. So what? Lovino was not even his name. Romano was his name? It stung more than Antonio would have thought. He was going to step away but he was no longer the one holding Lovino's hand. Lovino had tightened his fingers around his and was not letting go.

"We let you out for one night!" shouted Steven coming closer. "And you do it again!" He was furious.

* * *

I stepped back, so lost on what to do, like sand falling between my fingers. I could not do anything meaningful. My name was reasoning in my head, hammering my ears. I wanted to scream but I stayed immobile. Antonio shifted and it only then catch my attention I was squeezing his hand beneath my fingers.

"We let you out for one night!" shouted the man closer even from me. "And you do it again!" He was going to kill me.

I wanted to step back but I did not dare.

"I was not-" I was not leaving. I learned my lesson. I swears, if the nightmares are any evidence. But words were stuck inside my mouth, as taste of the sea once shallowed, the salt just could not get out. I could only shallow the burning words again and again.

"You were not what? Trying to ran away again? Really? What were you doing out there! How dare you do that again?! Wasn't it enough the last time?" the cop shouted stepping between me and Antonio, but all I could think about was how wrong they were. Realising, confirming really, what I knew. They all think I would do it again. I was forever guilty, meant to go wrong again. To do the same mistake again, and again. Like a murderer on a killing spread, unable to stop stabbing. A bomb waiting to happen again. Only they could apparently see the invisible numbers decreasing before the explosion. Not only they believed that, but they were counting it. I was a bait. They were betting on me to run away again. Run back to my father. Only they were planning on following me and arresting him.

"Do you know where he is?!" shouted Steven again passing through Antonio's glare bubble, getting into my face. "Are you in contact with him?!"

I glanced at Antonio, and he looked confused maybe but surely angry too. I never saw this expression on his face and was impossible to decrypted it. He was not so stupidly happy going anymore something definitely more dangerous hoovering behind his eyes. I let his hand go stepping away. There was no use staying next to him if he was going to snap too. I did not need anyone else threatening.

"Look at me!" Steven shouted grabbing my face to force my eyes back on him. "I know you are lying! Where is he? Stop protecting him!"

I tried to push him away but his other hand grabbed my wrist. And that was the last movement I made that night. Being able to move some other limbs did not change the fact that, I was completely trapped. My free hand went by reflex against the counter just to hold my weight unto something. I did not speak as the cop pushed me against the counter. I let him pressed me against the counter feeling my cheek grazed the cold of the shelf and my hand the dirty granite exactly like roughcast. There was no point fighting really.

"Don't you know what he did!" he shouted in his ear. Lovino shut his eyes. "He is a murder! Your father is a murderer. Are you going to help a murder? You are no better than him!" he was breathless. "Where, is, he?" punctuating each word with another hit against the shelf.

"Steven! Stop!" The other police officer closing in, grabbed his colleague holding him back, urging him to stop this bullshit. But either, he did not try hard enough or the other officer was too strong, because he did not stop him. Neither reasons reassured me. However the next time he was close enough of him, he slid his hand around my neck.

"Where is he? Why are you helping him!" he shouted. "Where is your father?!"

I just focused my brain on passing any possible air to my lungs and then to spit it out. Again and again. Dancing on the fear, that at any moment, the ice would break when the police officer would finally compress and cut off all air supply. I could not said I cared much. I could feel the hands around my neck, nails clawing my skin. I just could not move. Why am I not moving? Maybe because I deserve it. Maybe it was the amazement that someone was actually going to finish the job. Was I surprised? Not really. It was bound to happen again. Can't he just finish already?

* * *

POV: Antonio Carriedo

I sank down in my sofa. This was not how I was planning to spend the evening, well morning now. I opened up my phone, like a reflex, a mindless reassuring action. Some thing usual.

And I regretted instantly. Messages were pilling up on the box. People were asking, gossiping in the main chat about the police crashing the party. Most of the student suspect that someone tipped of the police because of underage drinking and weed. Unlikely. But it seems as the police wanted to keep Lovino's situation quiet. Nobody knew.

"So Antonio?" Gilbert asked again closing the door behind them. "Did you actually punched a cop?"

"Wait! I'm getting some drinks!" Shouted Francis running to the kitchen.

"Hey!" Gilbert laid on the sofa staring at me. "Don't look at that, you need to relax." And the phone was out of his hand before he could thrown it to the wall.

"We absolutely need to debrief EVERYTHING! But where to start?" giggled Francis coming back with three cups on the table handing one to me. "Camomile, for you mon chéri. I can feel those anxious vibes from here."

I grabbed the cups hands still shaking and my knuckles starting to burn.

"So did you?" repeated Gilbert. "Did you punch him?"

 _He was not letting go. Lovino was not moving. Anger was boiling up. I tried getting his attention but he was focused on Lovino in there own world with a different language I could not even transcribe. He did not let go so I did the only thing I could think of. I punched him._

 _He felt back to the floor, his colleague after him. Asking for calm, now. Was he kidding?_

"Antonio?"

"I did." I answered, hands passing through my hair. "He was strangling Lovino. Oh god, I did not know what to do!"

"He was what? Putain Tonio," hissed Francis. "Is he okay?"

 _Lovino almost fall back down and grabbed my arm, hiding behind me. I could fell shivers from here going in my body drowning the anger. He kept his head between my shoulder's blade. I could feel his frantic breathing through my shirt, just against my skin._

"I don't know… They took him with."

"Do you want me to talk my mom?" asked Francis concerned.

"No it's fine, I'm sorry." I sighted loudly. "But I completely fucked up."

 _"Who are you?" asked the policeman shifting his focus on me for the first time after sending his colleague outside._

 _"Antonio," I said._

 _"Okay, Antonio" the youngest officer stepped closer. "Give him back, we are going to the police station. Nothing will happen to you guys."_

 _Lovino winced. And I panicked._

 _"It was my idea, okay? I wanted to get out!" I said thinking hard why such thing would happen. The policeman frowned seeing clearly through my lies. So I continued, "We were making out." I invented. "I wanted 5 minutes alone. It's my fault not his!"_

 _"And, you just decided to get out," the policeman was nonetheless amused but actually falling for it. "By the window?"_

 _"Where is the fun in using the door?" I asked, and suddenly the gripped on my arm started burning, crushing my flesh against my bone. I freed my arm, turning around. "Fuck, Lovi that hurts, what-"_

 _He was hyperventilating, drinking air, eyes wide fixed on the floor._

 _"Is he okay?" the officer asked._

 _I turned back to the policeman in surprise. "Really?" I kept my hand on his shoulder trying to see his face he just hided in his hands._

 _"Hey, Romano?" asked the police officer crunching down in front of him. "Can you hear me?"_

 _He started wobbling I grabbed his arm. "Lovi?"_

 _He did not answer moving closer to me as the police officer tried to grab his arm. "Romano can you hear me?"_

 _"I don't think you can help." I stepped in the middle._

"So, what happened?"

"Well, once he calmed down. They put him in the car and I got their number."

"Fuck." Was all Gilbert said. "I knew there was something wrong about this kid!"

Both Francis and I sending him a condescending stare.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"You sure don't have the smartest ideas," smiled Francis. "But I'm worried about little Lovino."

"I know," grumbled Antonio trying out the drink. "Is that just hot water?"

"It's Camomile."


	18. Defenceless

A/N: Hey! Thank you so much for all the comments! Hope you'll enjoying this chapter~

POV: Lovino Vargas

It has been few hours they locked me up in that office. In the basement of the police station, next to the archives, waiting to decide what to do with me and the pilled up files next door. The police officer watching over me had changed, did not mean I like him much more. He arrived with this cold stone stare, his name: Berwald Oxenstierna and dry clothes for me to change in. Great.

I tried to catch some sleep but it was impossible. I knew I was relatively safe but every second was the one just before an alarm would go off, or a door to open. Every time I closed my eyes, I thought something had moved. Hours passed slowly and trailed around 6am, my head falling down a second before I jerked awake again convinced the police officer moved closer. I could still fell the fingers of the inceptor around my neck, and Antonio's hands in my hair attempting to calm me down. How Antonio kept me close, and how the inceptor hold me still. But what burned the most was Antonio's. I could not get off the touches and whispers. Comfort and trust was a threat, it was putting your guard down hoping for the best. It was a lazy way out, letting myself hear his words, the exact one I wanted to hear, pulling me out of a panic attack. It was haunting. Did he had to barge in? Not only he protected me but he tried to pull me together. For what? Why is he not bothering his girlfriend instead? He was getting too close to fast, I used to be better at keeping people away. And it's only been a week. If he started looking into me now, my secrets were not going to make, I was not going to make it, not even counting the fact that he was not going to make it neither. I need to keep everything in or they were going to get hurt again. Like Mom.

My leg would not stop shaking. Locked up by four grey walls and no window, my body decided it was the time to move. Amazing. I did not move when the officer shouted, when I could not breath. I did not even fight. Everything was playing on the radio then, out of touch, broadcasting from somewhere else. And that tomato bastard just had to save the day. Nobody asked him, he had to stay out of it. Why did he choose to act? Why did he decided to care? A dice; pair he would watch me die, impair he would punch the cop?

Maybe having the excuse to punch someone was motivation enough?

Pure egoistical needs to come back at the centre of the attention, typical of high school star?

And then, claiming my mistakes and I as his? His boyfriend, his idea to get out! What a bastard. I'm not some small island to discover, invade, claim nor protect. I am isolated but not defenceless for God's sake. I threw my legs on the table and glared harder at the police officer just to make the point of it, to replace the need to shout out loud; Not defenceless.

* * *

POV: Antonio Carriedo

I rolled on the bed wishing for the noise to be a nightmare going away soon. Phone should not be allowed to ring that early.

"Diga?" I asked his voice still rough of sleep.

"Ciao! It's Feli!" someone shouted.

"Mm? Feliciano? Vargas?" I sat up dragging the covers with me. "What can I do for you?"

Feliciano giggled. "Oh, just wanted to tell you that my brother is coming back home soon. We are getting him from the police station!"

I shrugged, pulling on my bed hair.

"I mean," Feliciano said embarrassed. "You know last night, they said you and him- "

Oh fuck.

"I mean, I thought you wanted to know! Oh Madonna! I am so happy for fratello! After everything this is a miracle! You are so adorable! And he never tells me anything…" I put the phone away from my ear while he kept throwing enthusiastic words at my face. What did I do.

"Oh, okay!" I shouted not wishing to bring the phone back up close to his ear. "Thanks for calling."

"I'll call you back!"

This was way to early to deal with that. He fell back in bed rolling aside. The hangover hammering his head and the crashing realisation that he fucked up. Way to early.

"Antonio, Gil'! Debout!" the opened the door. "Le soleil vient de se lever, encore une belle journée!"

"Francis?" grumbled Gilbert from the other side of the bed. "Shut up."

"Crèpes are ready." He singsonged. "And there is aspirin on the table."

That did motivate everyone. I watered Julia on the way to the kitchen. She looked much better than all of us. Francis called me again as I finished whispering to her some encouragement. Ending thinking about Lovino, I decided to call him later. Just to be sure he was alright.

"So what haven't we talk about?" started off Francis with his gossip voice over a mountain of crêpes. His hair was up in a bun with his traditional hairband of hangover days.

"Maybe how awesome Matthew was?" said Gilbert munching his crepes.

I rose an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Matthew, he had his amazing red sweater." He daydreamed.

"Isn't it the one he is always wearing?" chided Francis. "Also, there is something more pressing."

"I don't believe you…" scoffed Gilbert.

"What about a certain girlfriend who is still waiting for a message?" grumbled Francis. "Don't you have anything to say Antonio?"

Oh fuck.

I did not ask after Belle. Francis looked at me disappointedly.

"I forgot."

"You forgot?" choked out Francis. Okay that did not sounded good. "You forgot the girl who you just started to go out with?"

"It's more like we agreed on a date really…"

Gilbert grabbed his plate ready to plan an escape with his crêpes.

"Don't you know anything about love?" exclaimed Francis leaning back on his chair.

To that Antonio was not sure what to answer and shrugged under the worried stare of Francis.

"Well sorry," he was not. "I was a bit busy last night, with the police and all…"

"Does it have to do with Lovino Vargas again?" said Francis grabbing the jam.

"Well you must recognised Tomato Vargas is quite the mystery." Mumbled Gilbert. "Stealing your spotlight."

"He is such a drama queen." agreed Francis.

"How is getting attacked by the police being a drama queen?" sneered Antonio smashing his fist on the table.

The door opened and Fernando Carriedo walked in.

"Dad?"

* * *

POV: Lovino Vargas

The police station was slowly starting to wake up and the noise was putting me on edge. Hours were passing by when someone opened the door.

"Inceptor Stevens?" Berwald asked surprised.

The intruder smiled politely at him. His cheek was still bright red from earlier. As if the room had dived into iced water, my body was begging to tense up, but I was not going to give him that satisfaction.

Stevens smirked at me. "How is your neck?" he asked. It did not sound like an apology.

"How is your cheek?" I answered back. The officer next to me straightened but Stevens did not even blink turning around the table like some predator getting closer on his prey.

"So you found yourself a boyfriend?" asked the Inceptor sarcastically. "That was fast. But I heard, you are good at it?"

I just glared, scratching my neck and did not dare to look up at the other officer nor answer. If he wanted to be a bully, I was not going to start chasing the ball.

"Running away and a boyfriend, that surely surprised your uncle. You did not tell him, I guess? He must be wondering, is that yet another tantrum of yours?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Stop glaring at us like that and answer some damn questions for once."

"He is an hostile witness, just let it go," Berwald sighted. He had seemed pretty patient and muscular for the moment. His tie well put even after a night up, he seems to be uptight on the rules. Maybe he would not let me get strangled again. However he was barely looking up his book, not overly concerned of Steven. Only glancing up when Sevens sat down next to me. Great. He just wanted to avoid another incident and the following report, not interested in more futile worries about me.

"Aren't you a bit young to be so annoying? Such his father's son…" laughed the inceptor. "Did you father teach you that or is it genetics?"

And I'm not sure where I found the restrain. Obliviously not from my father. I continued staring in silence to the wall forcing my hands to relax. Deny once and stay silent.

"I mean, he did not really set the right example from the start. A mafiosi…" he chided. "The murders and crimes… Did he even had time in between to see you?"

I glanced back at my hands holding off smile. He thought calling my father a mafiosi or a murderer was going to set me off. That was quite petty.

"So you did not hear anything from him? He did not try to contact you again?"

I looked toward the door.

"Did you receive any message which could have been from him?" he pressured. He leaned closer I could smell his acid sweat, probably up all night. "Anything he told you that could help us find him?"

Berwald closed his book.

"Aren't you going to answer?" He smirked and I knew it was going to go rogue. "Should we ask your brother?"

"Ask him what?" I spited out, my heart beating into my ribs. "He doesn't know anything."

"So he speaks something else than sarcasm," said the inceptor smug.

"Look, this is getting boring," I ranted on trying to settle the panic. "I've not talked to him since. And we all know that anything I say will be consider a lie, therefore this is useless, so let me go already."

I apparently walked straight into a trap.

"Well, we did not ask to keep you. Seemed like someone did not want you home." He was enjoying it, so he continued. "I wonder what took him so long."

"Fuck you." So much for denying once and staying silent.

That apparently put an end at the discussion and the raised eyebrow of Berwald might have help.

"Another thing. Have you talk to any of his friends?" continued the officer much more calmly. "Marta for example?"

I tried not to flinched.

He noticed.

It was impossible. He was only fishing.

"It's a common Italian name." My voice wavered and we both knew he won.

"There has been a development, we need you upstairs, room 645." he announced. "We found Marta Anelli."

I tugged my hands in my pockets. I tried to get my head out of the water, pushing her memory away. And the first thought was Antonio repeating me to breath, to count to 10. In English and Italian. I knew this trick, but Antonio actually believed in it. He meant it.

The inceptor snapped his fingers. "Anything to say about dear Marta?"

I shallowed, grinding my teeth. "I hope you found her dead."

"So much like your father indeed." Stevens smirked his teeth shining like a knife. "Let's go." Still, I did not move from my sit until his last words left his mouth. "Oh and your brother is here, so behave."

* * *

So, yeah, that was not going to work. The police officer did not suspect anything and pressed the button calling the elevator. Feliciano seemed pretty happy to see me and dead on his feet. His night might not have been much better than mine and this thought shot some more guilt through my veins. But I did not let him hug me. He was stomping around me looking for something maybe some clue of what I was up too. Nonno did not seemed in the mood and ignored me once again.

I was looking for the staircase. But nothing in sight. The police station around 1pm on saturday was as calm as possible, but people were cueing, shouting and just being there still. No drunk pervert was trying to talk to Feliciano for once, but I was still on edge. As we walked toward the back of the room just behind the reception, I saw it coming.

"How many floors?" I asked trying to sound like small talk.

"6 floors, there is an amazing view of the park," the young police officer said. He glanced at him again, like trying to find something wrong with him. Between Feliciano and the officer, I felt quite observed.

And fuck, 6 floors? It was to much to get out of there, if it was 4 maybe he could have claimed sport and no-lazyness rule and go for the stairs. But it was not going to work.

The little chime announced the metal doors opening up on them. The officer stepped in. Feliciano was talking about the weather smiling like an idiot. Seeing I was not moving, Nonno came closer as usual trying to control whatever damages I was going to do next. Why does he even bother? Nonno reached out, pushing me toward the doors. I flinched.

Nonno turned red, closing his fists. "Lovino," he warned. "Get into the elevator. Now. You've done enough."

Paralysis was running in this blood. Sounds became so far that it did not even matter anymore. People were starting to look at him. That was not helping and Feliciano stepped out of the metal box staring at me. I stayed out of reach, my body focused on Nonno. He was going to force me, he was going to touch me. I was out of breath in the second. Ready to doge and run away. I glanced at the door. I knew I was starting to panic but there was no way out. The officer was keeping the door open and every second was spreading fire and I knew I was going to run.

The young officer stepped in. It was quiet as trying to keep anyone from jumping. It almost worked. "I'm taking the stair, come with me?"

Lovino turned around barely nodding just accepting the save without question. God he was ridiculous. That was so stupid.

"Romano Vargas, right?" asked against the officer. He was younger, smaller, short blond hair and keeping a save distant between them as they started walking to another part of the station. "I'm working on your case, I'm Tino Väinämöinen."

I did not even have force to glare or feel suspicious, shame was just tiring now. "Lovino."

Tino looked specially understanding of what I said, "Oh, okay."

He pushed open the door showing the staircase. Great.

We climbed the stairs, getting into another corridor looking exactly like the other floors. It was like a nightmare. Tino pushed open the door. Feliciano was silent and looked even more tired. His eyes locked on the table covered of bloody photos. The police officers observed each of our move. Trying to read something into it. Someone was even taking notes. I closed my fingers on themselves, pushing them further down my pockets trying not to show any emotion.

At least there was one good news today. Marta Anelli was dead. And from the look of it, it had been quite painful. Amazing.


	19. Penditi

POV: Lovino Vargas

Morning had been good. After getting back, I finally fall into an exhausted sleep around 7pm. It was great, I woke up with 12 full hours in. Which was quite the miracle after what had been brought out yesterday. The constant buzz disappeared from my head. When my brain started to wake up, I realised two things; Marta was ten feet into the ground, and Stevens got thrown out of our case.

It felt like I was King. I allowed myself to roll into the warm covers ignoring the world for few minutes more.

Nonno was moving around the house, preparing, changing, whistling. That is when I realised it was Sunday, we were going to church. Great. But nothing could really plumb this sweet high of revenge, not even a church outing. That was until Feli came on the bed. One glance and he frowned.

"What?" I asked Feli, still laying on the bed stretching.

"Are you okay?" continued Feli.

I nodded sitting up.

"It's just… I thought… Well after what happened, you know last night," mumbled Feliciano.

I stared at him waiting for him to continued. He often needed time for finding his words but I could feel there was more. He was worried.

"If you want to talk about anything, I'm here. You don't have to fake it with me." he finally got out.

"I'm not. I'm okay, don't worry." I said still smiling. That when I realised why Feliciano was so awkward. I was smiling along. I straightened out my mouth in a more neutral expression. "I swear I'm fine."

Feli seemed even more hurt and looked away. Why is he always breaking my heart?

"We never talked about what happened that night," continued Feliciano not meeting my eyes but I could feel him staring at my hands. We both knew what he was talking about but anyway I tried to still my hands. "I did not know what happened."

"We talked about it last night already."

"Well," said Feliciano bitting his lips. "I agreed with Nonno, you should go to the psychiatric."

My mood did a 100 meter free fall. "What?"

"So we are taking you before the mass."

"You're kidding," I said. "Wait, is it because of what Antonio said? I already explained it was a joke. We are not together!"

"We don't believe you."

"Oh, surprise." I sighted dramatically. "He has a girlfriend. And what if I'm gay? You are gay!"

But Feliciano took none of it rolling his eyes. "Lovi... it's not because of Antonio. Yesterday when… You said all this things about that night. And I knew there was something wrong but it makes sense. You need help."

"What?"

"You never get in closed space, no one can touch you. You have nightmares, you don't even sleep, Romano… I noticed how you are always spacing out, it's like you are not even here."

"What?" I scoffed.

"You are doing it again…"

"Are you listening to what you are saying?" I laughed. "I always have spaced out! I like daydreaming. Not everyone goes crazy." I lashed out.

Feliciano looked hurt but did not step back. "Nothing amuses you!" he exasperated. "You did not even want to play football, you are just doing it out of spite or to stay close to me I am not sure yet. That too, you never let me out of your sight more than 10min. It's weird."

"Because there are killers after you Feli! For fuck's sake!" I shouted getting up. "People are trying to get to us, don't you understand? Or are you too stupid? Do you want me to spell out to you what they did last time last time they caught me?"

"I- Romano,"

"Because you say I can speak to you, but what you really want is that I stop being such a burden in your life! Because you don't want to think about the people chasing us, you don't want to know what they will do once they do. Well, I can't ignore what I know! What I've seen! They are going to kill us! Kill mom! And the police is utterly and completely useless! Are you suicidal or just stupid enough to believe them?"

I was out the door before he could answer.

* * *

They asked questions and for once I answered. Mostly out of reflex under the shock I think. Monsters are never known for dying own their own. It always feels like some Hero has to destroy them, there must be some difficult way to defeat it. But Marta was dead. Just like that.

She was there, splattered on the table. It was almost funny how harmless she was, but terrifying how I still believed she could have stormed into that room and hurt me again.

"Do you know her?" they asked. I remembered finding it even more amusing. If they did not know who she was, no one was going to survive this.

It was more amazing when Feliciano answered. "I think she came to the house few times."

I wanted to cry, of relief or maybe jealousy. Does it matter?

"It's so terrible… She looked so pretty before… How can anyone to that to a person?" asked Feliciano looking away from the photos. I felt sick. "Who killed her?"

No one answered that question, probably hoping we had any idea.

"Probably dad," I answered enjoying the questioning glanced of the officers. Were they that lost or just trying not to influence us? We are all going to die if they can't even guess it.

"Why do you say that?" asked the same officer biting into liquorice stick.

"She was there that night," I felt Feliciano tensed up next to me. We never talk about it. "She was pretty adamant about what they should do with me."

"What was that?" asked Tino with care.

"She wanted to kill me," I said off hand, I was not going to let it scare me. "More like massacre me really. Make me an example of penditi."

"Because your mother ran away with you?" asked the officer still chewing on that horrible stick.

"Mother betrayed everyone, she is a pendita. She took us away to the police thinking we would be safe. Marta wanted to be sure no one would try that again."

"Miss Anelli tried to kill you?" repeated the officer in the back much more dead eye looking that the other excited puppy.

"She said shooting me in the head was too clean. She was furious." They were skeptical. But I was not going to let Marta fall into the list of my father's innocent victim. I let silence settle in, remembering I don't really care before adding, "She plucked my nails off. I don't remember much after that."

I kept calm taunting them to say another thing nice about more poor Marta. Feliciano did not dare to look at me again.

* * *

Lovino looked up at this mountain of crafted stones. The church was nice, airy and peaceful. It's crazy how they look the same in each and every countries. The same smell, silent. He stood closer to Feliciano. They were early. Feli had been quite excited to come back. And while touching the water Lovino wondered if He could actually see through all these lies. If He knew about his insolence to walk in here with such kind of blood running in his body. Blood of a murder, of a liar, of a coward. His relief to learn about the murder and the happiness with morning remembering she was cold dead. They got some sit around the middle. Feliciano tried to ask about the psychiatric. Lovino told him exactly what happened. He sat down in the chair of that badly decorated bureau and waited for the 30min to pass. Next time he was taking a book. Feliciano was not sure to how surprised or relieved he should be. At least he did go and did not insult Dr. Alice Bonnefoy. Lovino was silent brooding as Feliciano got up to shake hands with some of Nonno's acquaintance. There was no way in Hell Lovino was moving from his sit for that.

"So it's really your everyday expression…" whispered someone. It was faintly spanish, and a voice Lovino started to get used to.

Lovino looked up, raising eyebrows. He did not go through a day long of police/psychiatric's interrogation to "endure" such comment. He was tired and wanted shout and scream. But yeah… not in the house of the Lord. Lovino still had some self-control. Surprisingly enough. Right Stevens?

"What?" finally answered Lovino unimpressed playing with the end of his dark blue scarf. It was cold okay? Or maybe he just wanted something to hide behind. Antonio was wearing a light brown jacket and a stupid green shirt that did really go with his eyes. The bastard.

"You always have this expression, like you know the "Everything Is Awful" expression." Antonio said mimicking expression of total disappointment in life. He looked like an idiot and the priest send a concerned glance at them as he walked past us.

"Whatever," Lovino said trying badly to not sound amused, at the face Antonio was making. He went back to his study of today's prayers. Assiduous studies. After all he had a lot to absolute.

Antonio seems finally embarrassed and changed subject. "How was your weekend?"

Lovino ignored that.

"Did you get in trouble because of friday?" whispered the spanish boy again.

Is he kidding? Lovino turned the page of the booklet not even blinking away from the text. "We are not talking about friday."

"I mean, I covered for you," smiled Antonio.

"Oh yeah.. Thanks for that," mocked Lovino. "All day collaborating that you kidnaped my brain with your beautiful eyes. Thank you so very much. The bare fact that I did not even kill anyone saturday is frankly admirable."

"All day?" repeated Antonio eyes searching in Lovino's. Suddenly concerned, or scared it was his fault, he was worried for him. Antonio finally took note of Lovino's black eyelids and ashen skin. His hair were sticking out even more than usual and he barely stopped himself from patting them down. Did he have any sleep? Did he ate anything? Tomatoes? His lips and neck were hidden with the scarf. Antonio wanted to tear it down to check if he was okay. But he did not dare.

It was not that bad. The italian looked away. "Next time found something less scandalous to say." Chided Lovino.

"Next time?" teased the spanish boy with a wink. Lovino felt the embarrassment redding his cheek.

He gave up hiding his face behind the book. "I'm going to kill you."

"Come on you did not hold on till Sunday to kill me in a church." He smirked pushing the book aside. And Lovino saw a flicker of friday's night in his eye, some sort of malice, something wicked. "You are not that bad."

"Well, you don't know why the police arrested me last night." Lovino taunted, opening once the booklet at the right page. He could feel Antonio's attention drawn to him.

"Can you tell me?"

"Yeah, sure!" said Lovino eagerly. "I can also shout it too, in case some people in the back can't hear it."

"Do you ever not sarcasm your way out of everything?" chided Antonio.

"It's either that or punching your stupid face," whispered Lovino conspiratorially. "But you'd better behave, I'm running low on sarcasm."

"Like you ever run low on sarcasm."

Lovino glared trying not to smile and got into turning the pages back and fourth. Just to do something other than to listen to the idiot. Minutes passed. Antonio started moving in his sit again, bored once more.

"What are you looking for?" whispered Antonio.

"A prayer to make you shut the fuck up." Said Lovino loudly. People glanced at them.

"Lovino…" hissed Feliciano from somewhere behind.

"Did you found one?" asked Antonio a smile drawing on his lips.

Lovino's eyes flickered to his face. "How is your girlfriend?"

Feliciano hushed them again, apologising to the others. He tried very hard not to get any of them thrown out of the mass before the end.

N/A: Thanks for all the reviews!

And sorry... but the next big shout out between Lovino and Nonno is next chapter.


	20. Run

So I've been thinking over that story for a long time now and decided to make few changes. Am I going to rewrite the whole story? No, mostly changing details and mistakes that I made earlier on in the plot. Am I going to finish it this time? Who knows. I hope so!

Anyhow thank you for sticking with me if you're here from the start, or even if you just arrived! If something does not make sense it's either because I made a mistake or that I changed it in earlier chapters. But let's face it I'm probably the one messing up.

Thank you for all the comments guys, I kept on putting back into question the plot-line but I think I just need to stop overthinking…

* * *

Day 0

Lovino had to think fast. He had to rationalise. It was not news. The police failing once more to keep his mother safe. Once again, they believed that his father was a heartless mafiosi. Nothing new. Normality. But Lovino had to do something. He was not going to fail this time. He was not going to let it happen. Tino was talking about it was white noise and the words he said earlier resonating. The letter were his dad's, they were about a ransom for his mother. She was alive and they were not paying.

The police lied. Obviously they did. Lovino got up.

"I need to go."

Lovino sprinted down the stairs and only slow down to let the door opened automatically. Panic spread in his blood as he hit the ground running. If the police would not pay the ransom for his mother, Nonno would surely pay for his daughter's freedom.

* * *

Day 28 - 4 weeks earlier

Antonio did not sleep that night. Partly because he was on the phone gossiping with Francis and partly because his thoughts were killing him.

"It's going to be fine, just agree to whatever she says," repeated Francis as he was getting ready.

"What if she asks for crazy stuff? Like-" Antonio got lost in his sentence, searching for something to get Francis on his side. Something worth all that anxiety over Belle. He did not do relationship if that wasn't clear yet. It was way too much responsibility. It was working out just fine, but no, Belle had to come in and throw it all away. "What if she wants a necklace?"

"Tonio, mon chéri," Chided Francis. "You can afford anything, she can imagine."

"It's not because my parents are rich-"

"She won't. She is all over you, she won't think about anything but to hold your hand and go on a date," Francis answered. "Just do your normal all-smile face and everything is going to be fine."

"Holding hands?" he hissed.

"Yeah, it's quite easy Tonio, so first you extend your arm toward her and then-" Antonio rolled his eyes, putting Francis and the phone away from his ear.

His skin was damp and every steps closer to school were heavier than the one before. His stomach was heavy, something was not right. He spent a long time with Julia wondering about the pros and cons of not showing up today, half-listening to Francis's discussion about that date cafe. He already had detention this month but if he did not go, he will not have to face his responsibilities.

And that's it. He was staying home.

"You know what? I'm not feeling good." Antonio said over the phone. "I might be sick."

He jumped down the staircase to get some food, listening to Francis calling on his bullshit.

"¿Antonio, que tal?" a voice resonated from the living-room.

He froze. Fuck, it had to happen the day, he wanted to skip school.

"Hello dad," Antonio said putting his smile back on.

"Don't look so surprised, didn't your mother told you I was staying here for the week?" His father sighted. He was a tall man, there was no doubts about their relations. He was just the older version of Antonio with the same lively green eyes, the same brown curls. His father did not look up from the phone, grumbling to himself, "She can't even do the one thing I ask from her."

As he continued, Antonio exited the room. He was going to school, now.

"Well, at least you know your parents are talking," Francis said over the phone. "Even if it's mostly one way."

Antonio sighted, it was too early for family drama. It was quite rare for Antonio's father to come around, and therefore required Francis total attention. Antonio and Francis talked over the phone up to the school's gate.

—

Lovino opened the door for Feliciano. He was wearing that bright yellow t-shirt, and Lovino almost had to close his eyes.

"Happy to see your boyfriend?" shouted Feliciano. Lovino let the door go and it almost smashed into Feliciano hoping to knock him and his loud mouth out. It wouldn't have been a dramatic lose for the country.

Lovino succeed to ignore most of the comments during breakfast but he knew that once in the car there would be no escaping.

Today was the first day back since the police crashing the party, so he had to face a Cornelian dilemma. Lovino thought about it and concluded there was two ways to go with it; ignore everything or follow Feliciano around, but there was not way in Hell he was talking to Antonio again. He was already getting his nose into business that was not his, not even stating on how annoying the kid was and how everyone thought they got together at the party. No, Lovino did not have time for that.

Lovino stood outside the car as his brother jumped out and ran toward the school's gate. He seemed light and detach from anything that might have happened that weekend. For once Lovino's dilemma was not about selling his father's secrets to the police for the life of his mother, nor anything as dramatic, it was just basic high-school drama. It was a nice change, but none the less annoying.

He could do it. He could fake it. Fake knowing what he was doing, who he was. Collaborating with the police or being held hostage by them? Believing in his father or the rest of the world? This was complicated, high school was not. He bit his lips, tugging on his sleeves. He could do it.

And as he walked through the gate, Lovino thought about how much an idiot he was. It was just school. Just school. Nobody cared about that.

He looked around, Feli was talking with the German guy. Well, that did not help the overall mood. Guess he'll just ignore everything and go on with his day.

"Hey! You're early!" someone called out, the Spanish accent betraying him. Lovino totally jumped aside. At least, Antonio did look a bit sorry.

Lovino glared, and somehow it did not stop the idiot from smiling. Antonio was unfazed so he glared harder holding in a comment, thinking how he promised to Antonio to help the team and how he need to stop being openly aggressive. Lovino threw his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

"How are you?" Antonio asked, his eyes fell on Lovino's neck.

Checking for this weekend injuries? Way to make someone feel great, thought Lovino. He rolled his eyes continued on walking. Fuck him.

"Fair enough…" The spanish boy sighted, falling in step behind him. "I'm so excited; I got a new plant on Sunday."

Lovino stopped for a second to send him an interrogative look. Because what the fuck really?

"I've got a mini garden," Antonio smiled like the idiot he is.

The italian rose an eyebrow allowing him to continue on this disconcerting tangent.

"I'm good at it, I specialise in tomatoes. It's not that hard, really. The trickiest part is the sunlight-"

Lovino nodded along the futile explanations which cozily tuned out most of all the other things he was trying not think about.

Like that other blue letter which arrived today. And still, he did not find the courage to open it. Lovino was already collaborating with the police, he did the hardest part. Now he just had to trust them.

Hearing Antonio ramble about random things did the trick. He was not thinking about the time, ticking, counting each minutes of which his mother was still missing, not thinking about the feelings of dry blood on my hands, and… Nope, not thinking about it. Lovino pushed his hands further in his pockets, trying to focus what the other idiot was saying.

Maybe everything was going to be alright. Just letting the police do their job. Just being normal. Not that it matters much really, it's not like he had a choice.

And that is how, Lovino let Antonio follow him everywhere. Yes, "follow" like a creep, rambling about tomatoes.

* * *

Day 14

Waiting was terrible Lovino decided. It has been two good weeks in since the police finding Marta's body. The police did not find anything else. It was like being suck in an airport.

The counselling sessions actually got him through the first volume of Harry Potter. Training was intense and even more so when he had to hold back every snarky responses he had for Jack. Detention with them was even worst.

On another note, Nonno was still ignoring him, small mercies are the sweetest.

Another letter had arrived. Again. But Lovino was not going to open it. Nope, Lovino was going to continue waiting. Maybe when at the end the waiting would led to nothing but closure, and the police and everyone in this world would maybe stop bothering him.

—

Day 12:

Bella did not like Lovino and Antonio realised the dangers and advantages of it very early. She would just not hangout with him if the italian was there. It was a bit like football. She hated it on daily basis and would only allow it with a right amount of complaints and standing on the side lines. But even these littles details could not overcome the fact that she was perfect. She had diner with his father and Antonio on Sunday. She was wonderful. And she saved him life about the "I was kissing Lovino" story from the cops. Telling everyone who would listen that Antonio saved the new boy by lying to the police for his sake. As Antonio said, she was wonderful. She had showed up with this amazing blue dress, and white shoes. His father loved her and mind you, Mr Carriedo likes no one.

And yet again, she wished Antonio good luck for training. She was doing a good job keeping him together. Antonio winced at that, she seemed so perfect and he was just waiting for the moment it will all fall down. He was already building up excuses; training, strategy planning, even using his father. He hated himself for that. Antonio tried to remember one of her advice while separating Gilbert and Lee, to stay calm and focus.

The first match was in few weeks and spirit were up. Nobody was calm nor focused.

"Go home eat some noodles!"

"Prussia is not even a real country!"

Ivan finally started to walk up and Antonio gave in to get some water. The italians were whispering on the sidelines, glancing at our coach sleeping on the bench. Something never changes.

"Why does no one after 25 have their shit together?" asked Lovino to Feli loud enough for Antonio to hear. "They are the one supposed to be fine. To be making reasonable choices about their future. Helping us making the right decisions." But Heracles was nothing but fine. The bets were on the crumpling debts he was under and him nursing his still heartbroken after Sadig left.

"Poor him," beamed Feliciano. And Antonio could have swear Lovino was going to strangle his brother.

Once everything was settle we did some cardio and Lovino had turn red incapable of catching his breathe again. He had a red and blue t-shirt and Antonio secretly decided it was his best colour. Francis saw him stare and winked. He should have never told them, he thought Lovino was cute.

Will he never get some peace?

* * *

Day 7

The diner that night trailed on, Feliciano rambling about our day in his own perfect perspective. And Lovino was not complaining. Feliciano's monologue dragged on like it was all happening in his head, with no interaction, no commentaries from others, and Lovino was only hoping it will last until the desert. Lovino even suspected that Nonno was not even listen but suddenly he reacted. "Oh!"

Feliciano looked up stopped mid-sentence.

"Antonio? That's the boy from the church?" asked Nonno again.

Feliciano nodded.

"I saw Mr. Carriedo today, such a nice man. You should become friend with his son," he said like this was a novel idea. And a good one nonetheless.

The two boys looked up suddenly worried about the situation. "What?" asked Feliciano.

"I can't believe Antonio covered for you, such a nice boy." Nonno said. "His father said he saw you with a classmate but he preferred to defend you as the boy ran away. It was to nice of him really to lie to the police for you."

Lovino was pretty sure that if he was eating anything, he would choke on it and die. And it would not be such a bad thing.

"Did you thank him?" Nonno asked.

Feliciano nodded avidly asking for Lovino to pass him the salt and some advise on what to do in mild panic.

"Should we invite them to diner?" asked Nonno suddenly taken by this good idea. "We won't mention anything about your parents. Just a diner, you guy moved in after a bad divorce. Just like the police told you, right? No weird acting out. This father is an important man with a lot of money. Do you think you can manage a normal family diner?"

Feliciano nodded again.

"Hope we can keep up the lie." Lovino mumbled, remembering the urge to strangle that police officer when he proposed the coverture of divorce. Death of the parents would have brought to much attention to them, poor little things, but a divorce was as casual as anything here. "It would be a shame for such a nice people to see what actually going on here."

"What should we say the truth?" answered back Nonno, meaning it as a joke before taunting Lovino. "What? Would you prefer to tell them?"

"I would prefer for you to stop lying to everyone to protect that wonderfully full of shit image of yourself."

"Stop it!" Nonno shouted holding his head like trying to keep someone from getting in. "Just stop it!"

"Stop what?" asked Lovino without being able to stop the words. "Telling the truth? Yeah, we already talked about it, right?"

He smashed his hand on the table. "I am so tired," he let the last word drawl. "Of your sad face, Of your sour mood, of your never ending complaints! She is dead and you are alive!" he repeated staring straight into Lovino's eyes. "You are alive!"

And Lovino could not breath because of the guilt. The guilty of been alive even worst than the one of her death. He could not even speak. He could not even move. If he would have died that day, he would have been the poor victim manipulated by his father but he was alive and it was all his fault. It was not his body anymore, it was the jail keeping him down to be tortured for his sins. He did not even deserve a body, because he should be dead, but that neither he didn't even deserve to ask for that because she was. His mother is dead and Lovino's death would not change that fact. Lovino stared at Nonno in complete, crashing silence.

"You are alive! And all you do is whine! And complain! And insult people that are trying to help!" Nonno continued shouted hitting the table at every sentence, like shovels digging up her grave. And some paranormal activity shook Lovino, his hand opened and let the spoon fall like if his frozen muscles just started to melt. He was not sure what he was doing. It just happened. Lovino, feeling so cold second ago now, was boiling.

"Can't you just make an effort once?" Nonno shouted ignoring the boys around the table. "Have not you done enough? Do you also need to destroy our lives! Destroy it even more? After what you already did! When is it going to be ENOUGH?" he stopped out of breath, looking lost for a moment like he might have cross the line but he was not regretting it. Like he finally gave in to the urge to burn Lovino "alive." Supposedly alive. He was alive technically and her allegedly dead.

The devil was here, dinning at the table with them and after Nonno, he was now taking hold of Lovino. He rose an eyebrow and his mouth just said: "I knew you blamed me." It was so static and ordinary, like "I knew you could do it."

By now the level of insolence or silence would have send him to their bedroom. But something terrible was incinerating here, moulding, a plague spreading. There was no point stopping it, and horrendous smoke was hopefully going to kill them all.

"Your brother doesn't deserve more of your mistake-"

"Oh right!" Lovino exclaimed with a flashing smile, all teeth out, leaning on the other side of the table. "Feliciano! What do you think Feliciano? Perfect Feliciano? Do you blame me too?"

Feliciano was frozen in silence. He was incapable to stop the hell to unfold in front of him and now the flames were licking his cheeks.

"Leave your brother out of it!" shouted Nonno.

"You brought him up!" Lovino shouted, his nails scratching the table.

"And while we are at it," Lovino said getting up. "You can blame me and me alone, all you want Nonno but it would never go further than that because you know what? You are not like our father. If you were half the man he is, you would do something about it." Lovino knew he was taunting Nonno to kill him, to throw him out back to his father. Lovino begged him to do the thing he could not and end his indecision, end that misery.

He locked his eyes into Lovino's. And Lovino could not careless.

"But no! Not you, Nonno!" Lovino laughed. "We are playing at the perfect family game you set up especially for us!" Lovino stood and walked around the table and leaning above Feliciano, folding his napkin. "With little rules, little schedules, small talks, ordinary lives with little goals to go through the day. One step after one, day after day, everything being ordinarily fine." Lovino smashed his hand unto the table. "Hiding, the fact that nothing, will ever made sense, because you are hiding the killer of your daughter in your own home!"

Lovino couldn't feel his fingers shaking because it was like the table is moving, which is impossible because Nonno is holding it down with his two hands. Maybe holding himself up and not the table. He too was shaking.

"But as you said," Lovino continued getting no answer from Nonno. "She is dead and I am alive, and I am going to complain every minute of everyday because I can. What if I don't want to eat potatoes? What if I don't want to study? What if I don't want to follow your rules? What if I don't want to be okay?" Lovino let his voice fall looking a last time at Feli. "You can't do anything about it because you're a coward."

Lovino slowly walked out of the living room. Walked. He wanted to cry. But he just walked calmly. He couldn't believe he was just walking. He should be screaming, running, doing something, anything! Lovino was still shaking. Without thinking he went to the bathroom, locking the door and threw up diner.

—

When Feliciano came to bed, Lovino closed my eyes. He hoovered above him.

"I know you are not sleeping," he murmured. But Lovino did not answer. He put something on the desk. "I got you some desert."

He continue moving in the room finally settling down. "Did you mean it?" he asked but he already knew Lovino was never going to answer this question and he had no intention to actually hear it. He wanted a reason to forgive his brother. And maybe it was for the best there was none.

"I don't blame you, you know? I know, you blame yourself but Nonno is not mean, he is just trying to put guilt on someone."

"Is that what your psychologist said?" Lovino scoffed.

"I don't blame you." Repeated Feliciano in all his splendid kindness.

"Maybe you should, with three people we could open a club." Lovino said getting up.

"Roma- "

"I'm going running." Lovino cut off looking for his shoes.

* * *

Day 5:

Today, Antonio followed Lovino out of the classroom for the lunch break. Lovino glanced back, seeing him before running away. Antonio kept up, the italian was not really running anyway. The vice-captain saw him at training and if he really wanted to out run Antonio, he would have not be able to keep up with bags and students in the way.

Lovino had mysteriously disappear at every lunch time now, and this had to stop, Antonio was a man on a mission. If the italian had his own lunch box or if he was going home to eat, he was going to know today. The thought had been bugging him that Lovino might prefer to skip because he was scared of being bullied.

Yes, Antonio did like to guilty trip himself. Anyway, it was the prefect day. Bella was out with Elisabeth to get some fancy panini, he was a free man.

"Hey! Going to eat?" Antonio shouted once at his level. Lovino nodded sternly, completely unreadable. "Can I come along?"

"Whatever, tomato bastard."

It triggered a all-teeth smile from the spanish student, "That's a funny nickname."

The other raised his eyebrows staring in the void in front of him. "That's a way to see it." He murmured.

Lovino walked in direction of the court food, slowing down when Antonio fell behind. He was waiting for him! Wanted to shout Antonio, but that would be weird and Antonio was not weird.

"What's your plan today?" he asked trying to make conversation.

"Go to classes, go to detention, and going back with Feli," He answered off hand, eyes focused on something else. Something was bothering him, Lovino tripped barely getting back on feet without to much commotion. "Fucking bucket," he mumbled, still searching for something across the room.

Suddenly, he relaxed, staring at one of the tables a bit further away from the football team table. Antonio was not sure what happened until he saw Feliciano father away. He was laughing with Kiku. Lovino was looking out for his brother! That was so cute! The vice-captain could only stare, how could they have the most adorable players in the school?

They slowly made it to the queue.

"We never talked about Friday night. You know? Back in first week?"

Lovino narrow his eyes, thinking back on the party now two weeks away. "Oh. Which part? Bella jumping on you, or the disgusting beer they gave us?"

Antonio nodded slowly, "Well… Actually her name is Belle." Lovino rolled his eyes. "But you're right the beer was terrible."

Lovino grabbed a tray. "I was talking in general. Beers are always terrible, along with potatoes."

"I don't understand what you have against them."

The italian paused glancing up. "Potatoes or beer?"

"I know you are trying to change subject. I'm not that stupid."

"Sorry," he smirked, he was not. He went through the bucket to find a clean spoon. "Footballer stereotype."

"We need to talk about it," Antonio continued, guess he'll just have to ignore Lovino's comment if he wants to get a point across. "My father asked me why I was mention in a police report. I had to lie."

His expression faded into nothingness. His fingers licking the cold metal of the knifes. "We are not talking about it, here," He said putting the knife on the tray. He turned to me furiously trying to keep his voice down. "Neither here, nor anywhere else."

He pushed the tray along everything back to normal.

"Okay, not here." Antonio agreed calmly wondering how in the world could it be him the cool-headed one. But also, now was not the time to be stabbed, maybe he would have to wait for Lovino to step away from the knife.

Lovino nodded looking at the yogurt shelves like he was searching for a weakness in a 4-4-2 plan. He grabbed the plain and no sugar one, probably needed some more bitterness after this exhausting morning. Antonio went for the strawberry one, overly sweet and probably made up of fake strawberries but, whatever, he just needed the calcium and sugar.

"Are you taking something today?" chided Lucy. Lovino glared, not stepping back but his eyes would do this static thing, eyelids froze open and eyes lock on the person. It was like pushing himself away, closing up all emotions off his face, ready to fight or run away.

And before anything could happened, Antonio jumped in. Lucy was the most lovely assistant of the school, what was happening here?

"Lucy! You look amazing! Is that a new hair cut?" he asked. Lovino pointed what he wanted while Antonio kept talking to her. "This is Lovino, my new friend, he is really shy and frustrated with life."

He got glared for that. Unbelievable. Getting glared at for saying the truth? AND helping out. Lovino clearly had a problem with people help him.

"And he is also the player who is going to save us this year!" Antonio smiled harder.

He grabbed forcefully the plate before shouting he was not shy but the knowing smile on Lucy's face was worth it.

* * *

Day 1:

As Antonio was explaining tomato exploitation and the danger of Septoria leaf spots, Gilbert and Francis sat down. They were not too happy to see the Italian here again but they spared a smile for their friend. Lovino did not say anything and stayed put, which was a victory in itself. He glanced back from Antonio to the rest of the trio disinterested and slightly annoyed.

"You will never guess the highest bidder today!" shouted the German student.

Gilbert was exited. Since the party Feliciano had not left Ludwig's side, like they were the new best friends. Ludwig was talking, asking about him, not even mentioning that there were talking non-stop on their phones. Bets had already started about their relationship. Gilbert had started it after noticing the increase in text message his brother received. Feliks was just more than happy to take on a new bets.

Lovino planned to end that the minute, he heard about it. Every solution was taken into consideration, from cold blooded murder to high-school style threats in the bathroom during lunch break. Murder was a much more appropriate way to deal with it; it was secure and definitive. Maybe his father did taught him something after all.

Someone new sat down cutting through Lovino's planning. Blond, glasses and kept his eyes on the floor. He stood next to Gilbert, facing Lovino.

"Hi! Can I sit?" the intruder said giggling. Gilbert fell silence. Lovino looked up at them, not understanding the issue.

"Yeah sure," Answered the italian smudged about finally shutting up the potato bastard.

"Hi Gilbert," smiled Matthew before in silence going back to his food. It was so awkward, Lovino loved it.

Gilbert seemed like he was lacking air, Francis subtly tried to fan him.

"You know each others?" whispered Antonio.

"We sat together in some class." Answered Matthew, as Lovino when back to chewing his meal.

"We're friends," said Lovino glancing up trying to hold back a smirk. "It's okay if Matthew eat with us, right Gil'?"

Matthew blushed. Gilbert was looking somewhere else, probably dying inside. "It's cool."

The italian went back to his food. Still froze into smiling Antonio took over the silence and started some discussion with Francis.

"They are all stupid, Let's go. You finished?" asked Lovino.

Matthew whispered a no which was easily ignored by everyone when Antonio begged for Lovino to stay.

—

Day 1:

Days started passing by and everything looked the same, and Lovino could not separate the Tuesday from the Thursday. His life was passing by this sick feeling that nothing was to matter and he could not remember for the life of his what happened yesterday because Lord it did not matter. Soon enough it was another Friday with two hours training, or stuck in that room on saturday, or the church on Sunday.

Mathew was making the lunch break interesting. Showing up like that shutting up Gilbert. It was great. And for a moment Lovino realised that they were somewhat his friends, Lovino almost chocked on his water.

"Are you okay?" Antonio caught Lovino's fingers, maybe trying to reassure him, maybe keep him here. The italian tensed up so fast, that he knocked over the rest of water in his glass, soaking his t-shirt.

"Fuck," Lovino shouted, breathing picking up. He had to go. Antonio tried to touch him again and Lovino took off running.

* * *

Day 0:

Morning bell had just rang and the corridor was crowed from student running for their classes.

"Wait!" Antonio said, and grabbed Lovino's arm finally finding him. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Lovino frowned like what the hell? It was none of his business. Didn't he understand the meaning of the cold shoulder he have been getting since the disastrous lunch break.

"Hi, Antonio!" Someone called out from the staircase. "Good luck for tomorrow!" He waved at them.

"Are you okay? I know about the panic attacks, you are handling them?" he repeated. Lovino stopped walking looking back straight at Antonio's stupid face unable to answer. Was he kidding? Lovino rolled his eyes while Antonio was waiting for an answer.

The italian started walking away. Because, really? Did it look like he was handling them?

"It was not the first times, right?" And to that neither, Lovino did not have an answer if he did not want. They passed the food court. The smell of oil damp the fresh and iced cold wind. Great. French fries for lunch, it is.

"Does that mean you could have another one in class? During a game? We have a game tomorrow!" he said like the idea just occurred to him and that Lovino might not have thought about it already. Like Lovino just did not thought about it ever. He blinked few seconds at Antonio trying to sense the joke. But no way, the vice-captain was just sickly concerned.

"No shit Sherlock," That all he could managed. And Lovino barely restrained an sarcastic, "Thanks for the reminder" to scared it would confuse the idiot even more.

"Toni! Good luck for the game!" Someone shout out. Antonio grind back at them and Lovino tried to escape. He got to the staircase until Antonio caught up with him again.

"What are you planning to do?" he pressed.

Lovino stopped at the second step turning back looming over him. "Right now? Go room 345 for Italian literature, you?" he answered daring the vice-captain to go back on the line of questioning concerning his pathetic life.

"No!" Shouted Antonio and he went back to the previous subject. "I mean, what will you do if it happened saturday?" he asked getting on the same step as Lovino. "We need you in the game! And I can't just worry about you having a panic attack mid-game!"

Lovino struggled. "Obviously," he said, "I'm just going to take a deep breath and chill."

And that time it's Antonio who glared. "You need help. You can't play like that."

Lovino was speechless and just stared at him. His breathing was already speeding up, panic settling down in his stomach. Another one, now?

Did Antonio and them shared notes or something?

In time of indecision, Lovino went for what he knew the best. Threats. "Well, you're right. Better to let me go then. Good luck on saturday."

"You know we can't play without you on such short notice," scowled Antonio. "You'll play that one, but you need help. I'm not letting you play the other games."

"If you don't let it go now, I'll get throw out of school for killing my spanish classmate." Sneered Lovino. "And even Roderick will have trouble finding a proper strategy with two starting players missing."

"I'm serious Lovino," threatened Antonio. "You need to sort it out."

"Me too."

"Really? That's all you have to say?" he asked and Lovino struggled. He was not going to stay in the staircase but neither was he letting the spaniard get any ideas about saving him. They didn't need another person in this mess. Antonio did not have a plan for the moment and it should stay like this.

"I know a great psychologist!" Antonio said. "She is so nice really. Francis's mother!"

"I am not crazy." Lovino shouted. How dares he? Sending him to the first asylum he could think of? He just like the others. Lovino don't want to be locked up more than already, and he doesn't even need to be locked up to start with! He just need time.

"I don't care! I won't have you act out on the pitch!" shouted Antonio. "Whatever is your problem, deal with it!"

Deal with it?! His fist crashed on Antonio's cheek. Antonio was fast, grabbing Lovino's wrist twisting it.

Once again Lovino realised Antonio's force as he crushed Lovino's articulation between his finger like a simple piece of bread. Lovino hold his breath blocking out everything while pain slowly spreading his head deafening everything else. He could not hear Antonio's rant. But his words were crashing around him. About people, and presumptions. Antonio tightened the hold and Lovino had to do something. But somehow, Lovino knew he was not going to try to stop Antonio. He was not even here. He was not even panicking, he was not scared. Lovino could only list the things that he was not because nothing could explain the void in his mind. Lovino must have winced because Antonio suddenly let him go like if he suddenly realised. The Italian was not expecting that, he fell on the stairs. Lovino was going to stand up when hands got all over him.

"Fuck! I'm sorry! Are you okay?" Lovino blinked and let Antonio help his body sit. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine." Lovino said automatically like words just pre-recorded. Like if he just learned this text and Lovino simply giving the performance.

"Are you sure?" he continued helping him up now. Antonio started rambling but Lovino did not catch it.

He was looking through his eyes and it was like watching tv. He let his hands on my arms. "I'm okay."

Maybe he was not.

Antonio searched his face. And he could see the anger spreading on his face. "I'm going to be late." Lovino said.

"Whatever," huffed Antonio. "Go!"

It was relief to get home that day.

Or so Lovino thought. His bag was still over his shoulder when he noticed Nonno in the living-room. The house had been turned up side down, sofa cushion laying around.

"What happened?" shouted Feliciano. Tino was there too, smiling softly.

Nonno kept his eyes on Lovino, it was the first time since the fight they kept eye-contact. "Don't worry Feliciano, you guys just need to go to the station." He said, and actually sounded sorry. "But apparently your brother has been hiding letters from your father. They want to ask you some questions."

Everything came crashing so fast Lovino could not even react. The letters were his dads'?


End file.
